


Winter's Frost

by LadySansasDirewolf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Secret pregnancy, trying to fix the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:55:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22608127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySansasDirewolf/pseuds/LadySansasDirewolf
Summary: This is a love story. But it is so much more. It’s the story of two people who met, fell in love, and planned a life for themselves; and how the actions of other people and events transpired to rip them apart. Each went their own way, because time cannot be rewound, it can only move forward. However, sometimes in the process of going forward, you find that in order to move ahead, you have to go back to the beginning and start again.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Dopheld Mitaka, Kaydel Ko Connix/Poe Dameron, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. In The Beginning

My only clear memory of the accident itself is overwhelming pain. I remember every detail of my preparations for that ride. It was a brilliant mid-summer day. The sky was clear, deep blue with high, light clouds, but rain was forecast for later in the day. The temperature was cool in the morning, but heated up as the sun climbed higher into the sky. I remember arriving at the complex that morning, spending extra time getting my Irish Sport Horse, Manny, ready for his divisions,] and thinking about the promises I made to my daughter Hanna, and my business partner Armitage to make this show season our last. Manny had been ready for life as a farm stud for a while and it was his commercial viability that set the tone for the rest of our barn family. As long as I needed to jump and run away, Snowman would take me. 

When the storm front arrived, the rain was intense, clouds carrying lightning, accompanied by hail and buckets of water. By the time Manny and I were on the course, the ground was a combination of ankle-deep mud and shallow rivers. Once I was committed, I spent a great deal of time encouraging Manny as we worked our way through the sludge with the constant rain fogging my goggles and making it harder to see. We were approaching the fifteenth jump, an in and out ditch, then out again and through a corridor lined with hedge and finally over a flat top wooden bench with flowers and distractions galore. Underneath my legs, the energy gathered in Manny’s legs as he prepared himself for the down and away slope of the jump. But just when the massive grey stallion was ready to leap over the split rail four-foot-high jump, the ground under his hooves gave way, throwing him off balance. 

I lost my seat. My forward momentum did not change or slow down when he did. I was launched out of the saddle and over Manny’s head. I had fallen before, many times. But this went very wrong. When Manny clipped his front legs against the rail, he threw up his head. It connected with my left arm and I could hear the bone snap. The sudden noise, so close to his ears, startled the big grey, who then flinched. I hit the ground with my right leg underneath me. Before I could react, the off-balanced horse landed on my legs, causing the stress fractures and small breaks from the initial fall to worsen. Finally, my head snapped back, smacking the ground with enough force to crack my helmet into several pieces. After that moment, I can’t remember much of the coming weeks. Months later I watched the video footage from the news organizations. 

People ran around screaming for an emergency stretcher, while I did the only thing my body would allow given the circumstances: I passed out. My fall created a lot of activity with horse and human ambulances having to mud bog out to our position. Manny was physically fine, just a few small cuts, but emotionally he was a wreck. His hurts would take a long time to heal, in the grey baby’s eyes the fall was his fault. I wasn’t as lucky. A traumatic brain injury would make it three weeks before I woke up, and when I did it was to discover a lot of things changed while I was away. 

My next conscious memory was of wondering if I wanted to wake up or go back to sleep. Deciding I probably needed to wake up and check on Manny, I began the arduous task of opening my eyes and using my voice to speak. Slow and cautious, I pried my lids open. I was in an intensive care unit, tubes and wires connecting me to a bizarre combination of quietly beeping machines. Under my nose oxygen breezed around my nostrils. My left wrist was in a small cast as well as my right leg all the way up to my mid-thigh. Bruised and shaken like a rag doll, my head pounded with every beat of my heart. 

It took a moment before I realized someone else was in the room. My head was well bandaged and I struggled with a sensation of being overly drugged. The lights in the room were low, curtains pulled and the blinds closed, but I discerned the shape of a person sitting in a chair close besides the railing. It wasn’t until she spoke, I knew the identity of my surprise visitor. 

“Don’t try to move Rey; you’ve been in a coma for several weeks.” It was Princess Leia Organa-Solo, owner of Alderaan Manor and Falcon Farms, my home for the first eighteen years of life. 

Before I could adjust to the shocker of Leia’s presence, the door opened and a nurse came in to take my vital signs. Right behind her was my friend and partner, Armitage Hux. Hux was oblivious to my opening eyes. He was concentrating on trying to convince the young nurse to have dinner with him. I had to chuckle below my breath. Hux was constantly picking up women. It’s easy when you have billions in the bank. But he always came home alone to me, Hanna, and our third business partner Don Mitaka. The women were all part of his public façade. 

“Just dinner,” he was saying. “I know the best little café, right down the street. We could chat, get to know each other and then you can be back at work in no time. Come on, you have to eat, so why not with me.” 

The nurse shook her head but the response was not very convincing to her or to me. “The hospital has a policy against dating patients or their families or spouses.” 

“Well, that makes it perfect!” The smile on Hux’ face went from ear to ear. “I’m not family or spouse.” 

“Aren’t you two, you know, together?” I could hear the waiver in her tone. It was just a matter of time before she fell for Hux and/or his money. Of course, he was very good looking in addition to filthy rich. Red hair with green eyes, Hux worked out every day in addition to eating only organic foods. His accent hinted of the finest boarding schools in Coruscant and his clothes were hand tailored by the same store that had outfitted Hux men for three generations. Old money and a casual elegance all rolled into one glamorous package, it was no wonder so many women fell for his charm. I certainly had. 

Hux chuckled. “I plead the no comment to that accusation. Rey and I are friends, and business partners. I refuse to assist speculation as to the details of our relationship.” 

“Well,” the nurse mused aloud. “I suppose one dinner wouldn’t be against regulations.” 

“Excellent!” Hux always got his way. 

Leia laughed, with that polished silver voice I remembered so well. “Hux, do you ever stop playing the horn dog?” 

“Why would I want to stop?” 

Through half-open eyes I studied my boss. Armitage Hux was a multi-billionaire from the south of Arkanis. He preferred to keep most details of his private life as hidden as possible. I worked for him, riding and training his horses for almost ten years, and along with our other business partner Donald Mitaka no one knew more about Hux than I did. All three of us had learned to keep each other’s secrets very well. 

I decided this was as good a time as any to let everyone know I was conscious. My voice rasped and was broken from tubes inserted in my throat during those lost days. I barely managed a rather ungraceful croak, similar to a large bullfrog. It was enough to capture their attention. 

Hux rushed to the opposite side of my hospital bed from Princess Leia. “Rey! Welcome back to the world of the living! You really gave Mitaka and me a fright with this one. Even the girl has been worried, and nothing worries Hanna. Except maybe math.” 

I gave him the best ‘shut up’ look I could manage. Coughing brokenly, I found a semblance of my voice. “Thanks, Hux. Nice to know you care.” 

“Darling, I’m crushed. Of course, I care. You know me better than that. But this one was a fall for the ages. It’s been the most requested video on YouTube for weeks! The press has been hounding Mitaka for interviews, and you and Manny were the cover of three major network news programs. Cards and emails have been piling up; we weren’t sure how you would want to handle them. After all, you’ve been in a coma. How do you feel, by the way?” 

“Like I have been in a coma for three weeks. What happened? Where is Hanna? How’s Manny?” So many questions, but I wasn’t sure I wanted Lady Leia around to hear all the answers. 

The nurse smiled and left the room. Hux sat down and exchanged looks with Leia. “Rey, first – you are going to be fine. You had a massive concussion, and injured your neck. Also, your left wrist is broken, but it's a very clean break. The problem is your right leg. Between the ground and Manny falling onto it, your thigh has one break and your lower leg two different breaks. The surgeon had to put a plate on your tibia. You will walk again, but riding competitively is another subject.” He paused for me to digest this information. When I nodded I was ready for the rest, he continued. 

“Manny is fine, but he knows he fell on you and he’s worried. We had the animal communicator out and assured him you were all right, but he wants to see you himself. Mitaka promised you would be home soon and that seems to have helped a little.” 

“What about Hanna?” I was guarded in my question. Hanna did not know who her father was, nor was he aware of her existence. With her grandmother seated on the other side of my bed, I was not sure I wanted to discuss parentage at this moment. 

“Well,” Hux began while glancing at Lady Leia. “You probably are going to be mad, but given the circumstances, Mitaka and I both thought it for the best if Hanna’s grandmother was made aware of her existence. If something more serious had happened, I know your will stipulates she be introduced to Ben’s family and we decided it was time. I’m sorry if we did wrong.” His puppy dog eyes pleaded for my acceptance. 

“No, it’s fine. You are probably right.” 

Lady Leia interrupted me. “Of course, they were right Rey. What if your neck had snapped? Did you think it would be easy to bring Ben and the family into her life without you around to help ease the transition into being an Organa-Solo? Having to deal with the loss of a parent while meeting strangers would have devastated little Hanna. Given the circumstances I am surprised.” 

I managed to give Hux the high sign and he backed out of the room, leaving me alone with the grandmother of my daughter and sighed. I had put this conversation off for almost ten years but now was the end of my independence from this family. When I left the farm so many years ago, I desperately hoped to never have to call on the Organa-Solo clan for anything. Now, it appeared that fortune had changed. 

“Princess,” I steeled myself to make sure I said everything right. “I am sure you will understand my reticence in introducing Hanna to her unknown father’s family. It would have been difficult given the circumstances of our relationship. I’ve never told anyone, other than Armitage and Mitaka who her father is. Don’t open any doors that might hurt my child. Please.” 

Lady Leia studied my face for a long time. I could see her constructing answers while she stared. At last she spoke. “Rey, I’m sorry. Not just for being here and possibly upsetting Hanna’s world, but for the position my late husband and I took about your relationship with our son Ben. If I had known the damage our disapproval would bring to all parties concerned, I would never have allowed his advisor’s treatment of you to pass unheeded. But I want the opportunity to set things right between us. 

“Alderaan is in need of a new trainer and manager, and I want you to take the position. It would be an ideal situation. You would have time to recuperate. Manny can stand stud and my grandchild can meet all of us and begin to learn about who she is and what she will inherit someday.” 

“Does Hux know you are offering to break up our partnership?” 

“Actually, he was the first to suggest it. He knows you aren’t going to be able to make any more Galaxy Cup championships until you are well, if then with the leg in question not to mention the neck injury. No more winners for Faeroe Stables means no more job for Rey, am I correct?” 

I lay on the bed and contemplated my life. Was I really about to entertain returning to Alderaan? All of my best and worst memories wound around the vast country estate on the Western coast. My father had been trainer there and my mother housekeeper in the main residence. I worked as a paid stable hand for the Organa-Solos from the time I was thirteen until the stormy night I left there five years later. Jaina Organa-Solo, at one point, had been my closest and dearest friend. But all that ended when Sir Albert Snoke ruined my life and I ran away ten years ago. I had thought myself invulnerable to their influence. But a part of me deeply wanted to go home again. 

Lady Leia spoke again, this time with warmth she had never shown before. While I was sure it was the shock of our newly revealed connection it was still appreciated given the intense physical pain I was now feeling. “I know this is a lot for you to commit to so soon after a major injury. Think about it for a few days and then call me. But, please Rey, don’t automatically turn this down. You need support; stability, while you mend and Hanna deserve to know her father. Don’t hold Ben responsible for his father’s poor judgment.” 

“All right Princess, I promise to think about it.” 

“Good. Then I will take my leave and let Hux have his time with you. Honestly, I don’t know him very well, but I know enough based on his care of you and my granddaughter to consider him a prince of a man. Good bye dear.” 

She stood and walked out, leaving the door open for Hux to return. When he did, I was lost in memories I had not revisited in ten years and the tears were flowing freely. Careful of the many tubes and needles, Hux climbed on the hospital bed and held me close while I sobbed. Some wounds, I was learning, never heal.


	2. Time Marches On

I took Leia up on her offer. Armitage and Mitaka were enthusiastic about the opportunity it would provide me, and I knew she was right about both my needing support and Hanna needing to meet her father’s family. Other than me, the only ‘family’ she had was Hux and Mitaka. My father and mother had been killed in a car crash when I was seventeen and there were no brothers or sisters. 

It was also a good move for Manny. The Snowman was about to turn eighteen and his best jumping years were behind him. As a stud, his monetary value was immeasurable. Four Galaxy championships and more victories in the show ring than any other Hux stallion only served to increase the value of his offspring. Alderaan was an excellent place to retire him to stud. He himself had been bred and raised here until his eighth birthday when we left. 

I was in the hospital another week and left there in a wheelchair. Hux brought me to our home in Chandrila. Most of my things had been packed by the movers and were already on the way to Alderaan. But more importantly, Hanna was waiting for me. 

“MOM!” She ran out of the house and down to the car before Mitaka could stop her. “I’ve missed you!” If Hux had not picked her up under arm, she would have climbed onto my lap as I was wheeled up the ramp and into our home. Once inside I gathered her into my arms, love rushing through me; it had been more than a month since I had seen my daughter. I felt my heart swell with the rush I always experienced around her. With Ben’s thick, wavy black hair and my eyes Hanna was the perfect balance between us. 

“All right baby, let me breathe OK? Do you have all your things packed and ready to move?” 

Hanna’s face burst into sunshine with her smile. “Not only am I packed, I met my grandmother yesterday. She showed me pictures of my dad at my age and he burned in the sun just like me. But she said he wears sunscreen now all the time.” 

“Well I love your freckles with or without sunscreen. You wouldn’t be you without them.” I pushed her lightly and she pushed back. While Hux wheeled me into the great room, Hanna slipped off my lap and ran to play, already interested in something other than my return. I smiled. Her father had also been restless and impulsive when he was younger. 

Dinner that night was a somber and reflective affair. Leia joined us, but Hanna was unusually quiet. When she was tucked into bed and Leia gone home promising to be there first thing the next morning, the three of us sat around by candlelight and talked late into the night. 

Hux and Mitaka were sitting together on the couch. It wasn’t often they could enjoy the closeness of their true relationship. Hux spent a lifetime building a careful public persona, the dashing playboy billionaire. Of all our business acquaintances and few close friends, only I knew the truth of his sexual orientation. For a long time, I don’t even think Hux really understood he was gay, until he met Mitaka and discovered the love missing from his life. I was afraid once I left Hux might revert to his old solitary life and let Mitaka slip through his hands. 

“So which one of you decided to invite Princess Leia to meet my child without me,” I grumbled. 

Mitaka laughed with his loud booming goofy voice. Tall, brunette with warm brown eyes, he was a poster child for Northern handsomeness. “Rey, she has to start meeting the family sometime. What difference did it make?” 

Hux agreed. “Really Rey, you have to drop the defenses and accept the Organa-Solos into her life. What happened in the past was wrong, true, but old Lord Organa-Solo did attempt to make things right by leaving you Manny in his will. Don’t keep punishing Ben for the mistakes his father made. Try and make amends, will you?” 

“Yes dear,” Mitaka jumped in. “You must keep in mind that Ben wasn’t the one who drove you away. I want you to think on this one thing. If Ben had known about Hanna all those years ago, after his father’s death, do you think he would have stayed away?” 

“I don’t know.” I was honest. I really didn’t know what he would have done. 

“Exactly. I want you to give him the benefit of the doubt and don’t try and torpedo his relationship with Hanna. It might backfire on you if you run down her father to Hanna’s face. Be the kind, open, accepting person you are, not the shrew you might want to be.” 

Hang it all – why did Mitaka always have it right? I did want Ben to suffer, but not over Hanna. I wanted him to admit he knew about his father and Sir Snoke and his problems all those long years ago. But it wasn’t Ben’s crime either; it was his father’s actions that had driven me away from Alderaan that night. 

* * * * 

I was born and raised on Alderaan. With my mother working as the head housekeeper in the main manse, my father trained and sold horses for Lord Organa-Solo. Sir Han and my father had grown up together on Alderaan. During the war they even served together in the same company. Both met their wives and after the war, all four of them came back to Alderaan. My earliest memories are of racing around the pastures on the swift feet of the Organa-Solo horses. When I turned four, my father decided it was time to bring me into the family business. I didn’t mind, anything to spend more time with the horses. At ten, my father decided it was time to give me one horse to train for my own. 

Lord Organa-Solo had a mare that was due to foal around my birthday, March 17, so Dad made arrangements for me to witness the birth and begin bonding with my foal. I would be responsible for every facet of this animal’s life, from the first halter to saddle breaking to finishing in whichever discipline I decided to pursue. While I was somewhat overwhelmed knowing the enormous faith both men were placing in a slim little girl, I also knew I was ready. 

The morning of my birthday I raced out to the foaling barn to check on Scarlett, the pregnant mare, and found her down in her stall. Quickly calling my father, Daniel, on the telephone, I watched in rapt amazement as the mare pushed and breathed and pushed her new son into the world. Soon, a grayish white collection of legs and body lay on the thick bedding of the stall. My stallion had arrived. 

Registered as Alderaan’s Snowman due to his white coloring, ‘Manny’ won my heart the first time I saw him trying to stand on those all too long legs. His eyes were large and liquid brown, with an expression that alternated between pure joy and devious prankster. Once he managed to get all four legs underneath him and stand up, I laughed as he pranced and rambled around his worn out mother. Soon he figured out he had a rapt audience and he struggled to the stall door to make our acquaintance. 

I could have stayed in the barn from that moment on, but my mother forced me out and to school. But my life really began that day Manny was foaled. I fell into a pattern of rising before daybreak to spend time with him, come in and clean up for school, returning home as fast as I could to work with him in the afternoons. By the time he was a yearling, he would follow me around the barn without a lead rope, knowing wherever I was he wanted to be also. He would stand quietly for the ferrier when his feet were trimmed, and walk into a horse trailer without assistance. I could tell we were going to make a wonderful team. 

For six years we work together, a partnership based on trust and respect. At five we began in the show ring and Manny found his calling. Showing off was his specialty and the ring combined his natural jumping ability with the actor inside. Soon ribbons and accolades began pouring in. My father beamed with pride as attention turned to Alderaan and its stars. 

Three things happened between the ages of sixteen and eighteen that changed the direction of my life forever. First, Lord Organa-Solo’s son came home from college to begin his apprenticeship in the family business. Benjamin Bail Organa-Solo was tall, broad shouldered and incredibly good looking. I was friends with his younger sister, Jaina, since we were little, but Ben never seemed to give a second look until the summer after I turned sixteen. 

I was busy working around the stables and training Manny. On weekends, I competed under the Organa-Solo’s logo in the Upper Levels of jumper events. This was our second season and we were quickly becoming unstoppable. The first time Ben spoke to me was at one such show after he came home for summer. 

I was waiting to finish up my division when I heard beside me a deep, lyrical, sensual male voice asking, “You ride that horse like you stole him. Did you?” 

Turning to fire back a witty response, I found myself staring into the most beautiful brownish-green eyes I had ever seen. Recognizing him as Ben Organa-Solo, I retorted, “If I had stolen him, do you think I would be so ignorant to bring him to a show in your own back yard?” 

He looked at me and gave me the crooked goofy smile I remember every time I risk my sanity and my heart and think back. A smile that made me fall head over heels for him from that very first meeting. From that moment on, the two of us were inseparable. He helped me with chores around the Farm, watched when I worked with Manny and we spent endless hours discussing the future of Alderaan, and of us. 

The second thing that happened was I met Armitage Hux. 

Armitage came to Alderaan bringing some mares for breeding to Lord Organa-Solo’s resident stud, Chewie. Hux was, even then, larger than life, especially in my young eyes. I was assigned to show him around the stables and settle his horses into their stalls. Hux asked questions rapid fire about the farm and how things ran and by the time he left for Lord Organa-Solo’s office, I was exhausted. But apparently, I did alright, because later that day, my father told us Hux wanted me personally to handle his mares and relay information back and forth to him as things progressed. For a sixteen-year-old, that was heady stuff. 

Two years later Hux would be the first one I would run to after leaving Alderaan. 

The third and final thing was the sudden and unexpected death of my parents in a car crash. I was seventeen and my parents had been eating dinner at the country club along the shore. Driving home late at night, their car was run off the road by a drunk driver. The car careened down a steep ravine and burst into flames. The police told me they had died instantly. Small consolation for being left an orphan. 

The drunk fled the scene and was never found. The damaged car he was driving was never found. No parents and no justice left me bruised and shaken. My parents had been my touchstone, without them I wasn’t sure of my direction any longer. 

Ben tried to fill the void. We rode together every day, spending long hours in the saddle talking and planning for a future we were sure included each other. He would one day inherit his father’s titles and land. When he did, I would be there alongside to run the stables and, with my growing connections in the show world, bring in world class trainers and students. 

For the next year, life was good. I had my work to keep my mind active, Ben to fill the void in my heart and Manny to train for the future. Jaina and I graduated from high school in June of my eighteenth year. She would be leaving in the fall for college, studying to be our resident veterinarian. Ben, at twenty-three, was dashing and handsome and for the first time in my life I was completely settled in, accepting of my lot in life. 

I should have known I wasn’t meant for divine happiness.


	3. Returning Home

I didn’t sleep much that last night in Chandrila. Too many ghosts crowded my thoughts to allow for that. Ghosts of the past rearing their talons, threatening my self-confidence just as when I was younger. When the sun finally rose, the dark circles under my eyes were matched by the dark cloud hanging over my head. Hanna was bubbling. This was the culmination of her deepest longing, to meet and be accepted by her father’s family. Personally, I wasn’t sure this was going to be as wonderful as she imagined, but I would never say that to my daughter. 

Hux and Mitaka were both bustling around like two fussy old hens. Though I knew they were saddened we were leaving, they also were slightly giddy at the prospect of having their home all to themselves. While they never acted one bit improper in front of Hanna, it had to be a relief to have one place they could drop all the pretenses and be themselves. 

I smiled as I watched them fuss over Hanna. She was ‘their’ child as well as mine. Hux had been with me since the first pregnancy test. He and Mitaka were in the delivery room when Hanna was born, taping the entire event and crying harder than I did. I knew they would come to find the silence in the house hard to cope with once they no longer had video games to pick up and soccer balls to step over. But I knew they would visit Alderaan often, at least until they were sure how I was adjusting and how Ben was accepting Hanna. 

Princess Leia’s limo pulled into the front drive around nine and we were loaded and ready to leave by nine-thirty. Hanna hugged and kissed her ‘uncles’ and climbed into the limo, busy playing with all the buttons and popping her favorite DVD into the player. I turned to Mitaka first. 

“Take care Rey,” he said, throwing his arms around my neck and pulling me tight. “Remember, you always have a place to come home to if things get too rough.” 

“Thanks. I need that.” I was finding it hard to speak around the large lump in my throat. “Keep my rooms open, OK?” 

“You got it sweetie.” 

Saying good-bye to Hux was harder. For ten years he had been my rock, my confidant, my boss and my friend. He had taken the burden on himself of raising me from the ashes of my previous life and then raising my daughter. Words alone could never convey what we meant to each other. He was twelve years older than me, but some days I had been the parent. I clung to his neck like saran wrap, afraid to let go of the safety net that had held me up for almost one third of my life. 

At last, he pried my arms from around his neck. Wiping the tears from my face with his handkerchief, he smiled and said simply, “Your chariot awaits my lady.” 

I nodded and limped to the limo door. With one last look at the home and family I was leaving behind, I slid into the seat and shut the door. Another chapter closed, uncertainty looming ahead. 

Leia and Jaina were both in the limo, riding with us the four hours it would take from Chandrila to Alderaan. Jaina was busy making friends with Hanna. It was already clear she was going to be a magnificent aunt and Hanna appeared to be falling for her as well. Leia was reading, so I leaned my head back to see if I could catch up on some of the sleep which had eluded me the night before. 

“Are you feeling all right?” Leia’s voice was cautious and neutral. She knew what this was costing me, emotionally, and was trying to make this an easy transition. “Would you like something to drink?” 

“No thank you Princess Leia. I didn’t sleep very well and my leg aches.” 

“Please Rey, after all these years, just call me Leia. I stopped being the Lady of Alderaan when Ben took his father’s titles.” 

Right. There was a new lord of the manor. My heart lurched inside my chest. I didn’t know any more if I had made the right decision. But then I heard Hanna laughing with her aunt, watching “Kung Fu Panda”, and I knew this wasn’t about my heart but about my child’s. For her I made this choice. I just had to keep my walls in place, remember who I was doing this for. 

Leia left me alone after that. Soon the constant ‘whoop’ of the road under the wheels rocked me into a semi-conscious state where my reality and my memory were entwined. My mind drifted back as I heard Jaina’s laughter, back to the last time my heart had been alive. The day that started with such promise and ended when everything I loved and wanted was ripped from me by the sheer malice of another person. 

It was August twenty-second. First day of the regional schooling invitational and I was competing on Manny in a green division on the flat. I could show for ribbons or points, and Hux was helping me ease him into the high stress world of the show circuits. Our next season would be on the Galaxy Cup stage, Hux had already laid out our plan. This was his second year getting experience away from home and Manny was behaving about as well as I expected, which is to say he was awful. 

Manny was sweating, and chewing on his bit causing foam to crust his lips. He stamped his feet and didn’t let another horse too close to his hindquarters. Jaina was keeping his mouth clean while I rubbed his neck and murmured to him, hoping to have him focused inside the ring. Just as I ready to mount for our division, Ben arrived. His crooked smile always jolted my heart. He gave me a leg into the saddle and kissed my hand. 

“You are going to be fabulous, and so is Manny. Just keep his head in. He knows what to do.” His smile went to my heart, his eyes bored love into mine. 

“Thanks.” I squeezed his hand and urged Manny into the ring. 

He was a doll. 

The nerves and attitude he had exhibited outside waiting vanished in the instant he realized people were looking at him. The big ham loved it. With his white coat gleaming against the charcoal grey and green schooling pad that symbolized Alderaan he strutted like a peacock. The others in the ring never had a chance once Manny found his stride. It was magic, the moment I knew that this stallion was the horse I dreaming of owning. I only wished my father could have been there to see it. 

Ben pulled me from the saddle, swinging me around and laughing like a maniac. Jaina took Manny, who was extremely proud of himself. I was grinning from ear to ear, unable to keep my happiness in check. Recklessly I kissed Ben, for the first time. 

And incredible as it might seem, he kissed me back. 

It was wonderful. 

More than wonderful, it was the first moment of a day filled with priceless wonder, etched into my heart with the heat from his lips. Before I knew what was happening, we left Jaina to bring Manny home from the show. Ben took me on a picnic down by the cliffs. The rain had stopped and we sat under the trees and watched the sun set in the horizon. The red sky as the brilliant orb slipped away promised a delightful tomorrow, and I couldn’t argue. Manny was going to be famous and I was going to train and ride him, and Ben would run the stables and all the business we were going to bring to Alderaan. Our future was spread before us and everything was possible. 

For two years Ben and I danced around each other, teasing and prodding our emotional connection. Physically, it was all we could do to keep our hands off each other. Ben was five years older, and as heir to the title Lord of Alderaan, he could make his own rules. But the legal age for marriage was eighteen and he was bound by his own code of honor to uphold that law. 

Then I was eighteen. My birthday had been March seventeenth. The only obstacle now was proving the strength of ‘us’ to his father. Sir Han was a second father to me, especially since my parent’s death. It seemed to Ben, and to me, that we were a match destined to happen. After today’s performance by Manny, all the pieces of the puzzle came into focus. All our plans were coming true and it was explosive. 

Returning to the farmhouse I lived in since my birth, I was loath to let go of his hand. I didn’t want this special, priceless day to end. I was afraid I would wake up tomorrow and all of this would be a dream. My heart uttered the words long before I heard them coming from my mouth, “Don’t go.” 

A soft rain had started again. His dark black hair was curling in the damp air, framing the indecision in his face. I laid my hand soft against his cheek, letting him know my desire. With only a moment of hesitation he pulled me into his arms and pushed me into the hallway, locking the door behind him. 

At some point, I was aware the misty rain had turned into another full spring thunderstorm. The flash of electric flame matched the sparks lighting my nerves, singeing my skin with every touch of his lips and fingers. The constant pounding peal of thunder was our heartbeats racing in time, two hearts becoming one. My senses were enraptured with the intense maleness of him; the essential musk I always associated with him filled my nostrils with an unmistakable mental marker. If this were to be the last moment of my life, I would have died fulfilled. 

Later, we wrapped up in blankets and went to the kitchen, laughing and complete in the perfect bliss of being in love. Ben fed me strawberries and I threw grapes at him. Before we knew it, we were wrapped around each other in my kitchen, laughter providing the flash point of our sparks. 

That was my last happy moment. That one perfect day was all I had to hold on to for ten years. I wish the unhappy part could fade and leave the best part alone, but they were so connected I could not revel in one without experiencing the agony again. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face the pain without breaking. 

The intensity of the recoil from these emotional woke me. With a surge of nausea I recognized the entrance gates to Alderaan. I was home.


	4. Homecoming

We rolled to a stop in front of the farmhouse and the tug of pain deep inside took my breath away. The remodeling had not extended to the exterior, so the visible reminders of my previous life were still quite real. The climbing roses my mother tended so patiently. The porch swing where I’d sit and do homework in the evenings. The ancient boot scraper where Daddy would stop on his way inside after a day on the farm. Memories of a life long gone. 

Hanna was already bouncing on the seat, ready to find her room, ready to get out of the car after hours of riding. Jaina was beaming; she supervised the remodel and was hoping I liked her choices. I was sure it wouldn’t matter but I put on a big show because I loved her. She was the closest to a sister I had and whatever she chose would be right. 

Standing in the front yard, looking out at the fields I could almost erase those long years of exile and see into the past. The fences, the rock walls, the barns and paddocks – nothing can ever remain the same, but this was close to time standing still. The wind blew in off the ocean, bringing that tang of salt water. The trailer bringing Manny pulled in behind us, and I needed to supervise his unloading or there might be problems. 

“Leia, would you tell Hanna the trailer with Manny is here and I want to help unload? If she wants to walk to the stud barn, show the path, please?” I was already moving as fast as the brace on my damaged leg would allow. “Thank you!” I threw over my shoulder. Hanna would understand. Manny was still a stallion, and he could be very temperamental when it came to changing places. I could see her shaking her head as I hobbled down the familiar path. 

Taking deep breaths I steeled myself to see the stud barn again. The last time I was here, I was taking possession of Manny and leaving. Now I was working in reverse but at least returning the heroine I wanted to be all those years ago as a child riding the sea cliffs of my home. 

The air cushioned van pulled to a stop in the large cobblestone courtyard in front of the stud barn. The barn itself was a large, comfortable stone stable with four stalls, two on each side of the aisle. Each stall opened to its own enclosed paddock, separating the fiery stallions from each other’s sharp teeth and short tempers. There was also a large wash stall, with hot and cold water, ceiling fans twirled in the warm late summer air. A tack room, a groom’s apartment, a feed room and storage room rounded out the building. Mare and their offspring were kept on the other side of the farm, nearest to the manor to bring help quickly if anything were to go wrong. Everything depended on Jaina, the resident vet, who resided there with Ben and their mother. 

The driver was already opening the side exit door when I approached. 

“Howdy Miss Rey, here to supervise the big boy’s arrival?” 

“Of course Dex. How was the trip? Was Manny a good boy?” I smiled at the driver. Dex had been shuttling Manny and I around the world for many years. He was the only one I trusted to ignore the stallion’s shenanigans. 

“Well he had some rough moments coming out of Chandrila, but once we hit the open road he settled down real good. I think he knows this is home, he’s been pawing at the door since we rolled into the driveway.” Dex pulled the ramp down and opened the large door. Manny, still cross-tied inside trumpeted his arrival with all his loud, brash personality pushing against the partition that divided the van. I had to laugh at his brass. 

“Dex, bring him to me, so I can work some of the kinks out.” 

Dex hooked a lead rope to the big stud, unclipped the side ties and eased him down the ramp. Hesitant at first, he soon realized momma was standing on the ground waiting. Pushing Dex aside, he thrust himself over, sniffing my pockets for the treats he knew I always kept for him. Always kept except for today. 

“Crap old man, I forgot to stock the pockets.” I patted my jacket looking for anything I could pass off as his reward. 

“Perhaps he’ll accept something from an old friend,” the familiar deep baritone voice was in my ear the same time the musk hit my nostrils. I whirled so fast I thought might get whiplash. Of course with only one good leg, I lost my balance and almost toppled into Ben’s arms. Like touching fire, I jumped back. The flush that rose from my feet and raced to my head betrayed my emotional upset. Manny, traitor that he was, took the proffered treat with a rub of his large ungrateful head against Ben’s shoulder. 

The groom, I didn’t even notice which one, took Manny’s lead rope while I stared at my new boss and old love. He had changed so much. Same crooked smile, same laughing eyes, a few more wrinkles at the eyes – but at thirty-three the promise had matured into full manhood, with broad shoulders and thick thighs. But the bricks around my heart were high and they weren’t going to be breached by a simple smile. 

“Hey.” The word from him seemed more personal than I was ready for. 

“Hey yourself.” I tried to bring my voice into neutral. “Thanks for Manny’s treat, he would have pouted otherwise.” 

“I know, I remember.” His face was neutral as well. I think he was taking his cues from me. He motioned to the brace on my leg. “So how long do they anticipate you being grounded?” 

“The leg isn’t the real problem.” I responded automatically, I'd given a variation of this interview three times in the past month to the various trade papers. “My neck has nerve damage, and the combined pressure and the whipping around during jumping will probably be too much. And of course Manny is retired now, so unless something comes along to excite me, my victories will come as a trainer and instructor, not a rider.” 

“Hm. Rey Sands earthbound. That’s a sentence I would have never thought to hear. How does it feel to join the rest of us ungifted people?” The crooked smile was back, the implied laugh with me, not at me. 

“Painful, very painful.” Against my better judgment I smiled back. 

“Let me drive you back up to the house. We can talk on the way.” He took my elbow and guided me toward the golf cart, helping me across the troublesome cobblestones. Uh oh – he wanted to talk already. Concentrating on my breathing, I eased myself onto the seat, mentally preparing my gut for whatever he had to say. After all, as Mitaka would often remind me, it wasn’t him I was truly angry with. And you can’t hold grudges against a dead man. 

“How have you been?” I opened the conversation in neutral territory. 

“Good, mostly good. And very busy, especially since Mum announced your arrival. The boarding barns are getting full and you have enough advanced riders to keep you busy three to four hours a day, seven days a week. I didn’t want to burden you with more students than that, especially until you healed.” 

“Thanks Ben, I appreciate that. I’m not sure how long I’m going to be dragging this brace around; it’s only been a few weeks.” 

“I know.” His answer spoke volumes. He had been keeping track of me, behind the scenes. Without hesitation he dove into the gist of his train of thought. “Rey, I know this is strange. It’s strange for me, too. But put yourself in my shoes for a moment. I just found out a month ago I have a ten-year-old daughter. Her mother never told me about her, never gave me the chance to be a part of her life until now. If I said I’m a little irate about that, I’d be making an understatement. I'm hurt and disappointed as well as damn furious with you for keeping this from me.

“But on the other hand, this is an opportunity for me to excel at something my father failed miserably to do and that’s have a loving and involved relationship with my child. I want that chance Rey. I want to show you I’m a different man than the one you ran away from all those years ago.” 

I interrupted him. “I didn’t run from you Ben. I ran from your father and his henchman.” 

“I stand corrected. But I know it hurt when I didn’t come after you.” 

“I knew you had your reasons.” Tears threatened to fill my eyes but I blinked them away. Too personal too fast. I had been afraid this would happen. 

“I did, but in retrospect, they were wrong. Snoke convinced me you left on your own, that you didn’t want me anymore. I should have come after you, spoken to you myself. I made a mistake. I thought Dad would realize what a mistake he’d made, would change his mind and allow you to come home. But when he died with things between us unresolved, I caved and left you to your new life. I was too ashamed to come find you, bring you back. I’m sorry. I can’t change our past, but I want us to get along, for Hanna.” 

“She has no expectations from either of us. She knows we didn’t work out. Book closed. The past is dead, we only need to worry about the future.” 

For a long moment Ben was quiet. There was a hint of pain underlying his voice when he spoke again. “Are you ever going to forgive me?” 

“I was eighteen Ben, alone with no one in the world except you. Do you know what Snoke did to me? Did you hear about the things he said? How can I forgive that?” 

“Because that was him, not me.” 

“Right now, I can’t distinguish the two.” 

“That, my love, is your problem.” 

“I know.” He hit the nail on the head. I was holding resentment toward all the Organa-Solo men. “I know it’s my problem and I’ve been working on it for ten fucking years. But don’t expect miracles right away. There’s a lot of baggage to work through. I’ve been wounded by people I thought loved me. Don’t expect me to be the girl you knew. She died long ago. You can work on your relationship with our daughter, but understand I’m not here to rebuild what we had. That ship sank the night I left with Manny.” 

“I understand Rey. I’ll give you all the space you need.” 

“Thank you.” 

His face was closed, and his expression guarded and I knew I’d hurt him. But I squared my shoulders and stared straight ahead. It was better to set these rules now than to risk either of us falling into those feelings again. Ben was the lord of the manor now; the nobility would be beating a path to his door to provide him with a suitable wife. Hopefully one who would treat my daughter with respect, not seek to remind her at every turn of her parents’ indiscretion. 

By then we were at the farmhouse. Ben helped me out of the cart and up the front steps. Hanna came flying down the hall, through the door and in Ben’s arms before I could warn him. I didn’t need to. Father and daughter took to each other immediately. The tears that had been held at bay all afternoon finally had their way and spilled down my face. Hanna, always attuned to my emotional state, added me into their circle. 

“Are you okay Mom?” The concern on her face matched the look on Ben’s face. Great, now there were two of them assaulting my emotions. Too many puppy dog eyes. 

Smiling, “I’m fine baby. Just overly tired and I think it’s time for my afternoon nap. You stay out here with your father,” I choked a little saying the word for the first time, “and I’ll be in my room.” 

Ben’s gaze followed me as I walked into the farmhouse for the first time since that horrid night. Too much excitement and too many memories all crowded around me, caving in the air, making the room smaller, causing me to hit my braced right leg against the corner of the steps. The pain brought stars before my eyes and my breath pounded inside my ears; then I did something I hadn’t done since the accident. I fainted.


	5. Care

When I came to, I was lying on the bed in my parent’s old room, now redone as my sanctuary. Being the only bedroom on the main floor, Jaina redecorated to give the feeling of my room in Chandrila on a smaller scale. Ben sat on the edge of the bed, wiping a damp cloth on my forehead. There was a new lump which hadn’t been there prior to my face plant on the front porch. I groaned as I tried to move and in doing so discovered a new pain in my leg. Crap – I must have hit the plate in my lower leg hard against the stone pillar of the porch. The leg ached in new and more painful ways. I groaned as I tried to move. 

“Stay put,” Ben ordered. “Doctor Kalonia will be here in a minute to check you out. Just lie down and rest.” 

“Sorry about bruising the floor when I fell. Not exactly sure what happened back there.” 

Ben pushed the damp hair away from my face. “I do. Once again, as usual you are trying to do too much and this time your body fought back. Now do as I say and just lie there and let me take care of things for a while.” 

Much as I wanted to protest I knew he was right. I did need more rest, and I was just ignoring my needs in a futile attempt to prove something to Ben (or to myself, I wasn’t sure). Nodding my acquiescence, I laid back against the pillows. He pulled the quilt over me and closed the blinds. I shut my eyes and willed the pounding in my head and leg to go away. I heard him sit down in the armchair across the room. 

“You don’t have to stay and wait for the doctor,” I whispered. Anything louder would have reverberated and bounced through my already throbbing head. “I’m sure you have more important things to do that babysit an employee.” 

“You’re not just any employee Rey.” 

My nerves were shot and the already short fuse flared up. “Yes, I am Ben. You need to separate the past from who we are now. You are my boss, and I am your employee. Nothing more than that.” 

His expression hardened, and the stubborn Ben I’d known all my life finally showed up. 

“You can never be just an employee, not to me. You are the mother of my child, the only woman I’ve ever loved. No one means more to me than you.” 

“Please Ben,” I whispered. “Not now. It’s too soon. I can’t handle pressure.” 

The room was silent for a long, uncomfortable amount of time. His gaze became difficult to read. A thin hard shell was building on his features. It was beginning to register with him; I wasn’t here to fall into his arms. I was here to do my job and to give him the chance to connect with his daughter. Anything else would require time. Time, I could tell, he was reluctant to admit we both needed to find sold ground, to give me a chance to rebuild my damaged walls against him. 

“Rey, I’m not going to lie, but I’m not going to push you either. Plain truth - I’ve never stopped loving you. And I want you back. But now that you’re here, I see this is going to be harder than I thought and that’s fine. You’re worth fighting for. WE are worth fighting for. I want our child to have her parents together and happy. I want to give her siblings to fight with. I want to marry you and make all those dreams we had become a reality.” 

“I don’t even remember having dreams anymore Ben. There’s a dead space inside of me, closed off from the rest. I bricked my feelings up behind a wall I don’t know how to breach. I don’t know that I can love anymore.” Whispering the truth didn’t make it hurt me any less. But it was what he deserved to hear. “I’ve spent almost eleven years refusing to let any man get within my defenses.” 

“What about Armitage and Mitaka?” 

“Well, that’s a really long story.” One that I had promised to take to my grave. Hux had been as close as any husband to me emotionally, but I had sworn not to reveal his sexual orientation. Hux came from old money, and old money doesn’t understand gay men. “Let’s just say you would have more competition for my affections from Manny than either Hux or Mitaka.” 

Ben was for silent for a moment and I could hear the sound of tumblers falling into place. “Oh,” the only comment he could make. 

“Anything you speculate isn’t for general disclosure Ben.” 

“It helps things make more sense, that’s for sure. When I first saw the pictures of you on his arm, pregnant, I flipped. You can ask Jaina, I was a wreck. It never occurred to me to count weeks. I just knew I couldn’t stand to see you with another man. It ripped my guts out every time I saw a picture of any combination of the three of you over the years.” 

“I’m sorry Ben, but at the time, I probably would have thrown myself at a bus if I thought it would make you hurt. I wanted you to hurt, as much as I did.” 

He looked at the floor for a moment. Then rose out of the chair and walked over to the bed. Sitting on the side, he took my hand and held it against his cheek. I smiled at the openness of his expression. Sighing, he replied, “Rey, I’ve been hurting every day I’ve been away from you. But you hold all the cards. I won’t push. I’ll let you be in charge. For now. But one day we will be together.” 

“Ben, you’re the Lord of Alderaan now. Your wife will need to be things I’m not, and never will be. I’m just Rey Sands. No family, no money, no title – nothing to bring to a marriage except myself, damaged goods.” 

He shook his head violently. “I don’t care about money or titles. My heart was lost to you the first moment I saw you, that day I returned from college. No woman will ever have my heart save for you.” 

I mulled over my answer for a long time before opening my mouth. I didn’t want to hurt Ben anymore. I only wanted to let things take their own course. At last I replied, “Ben, I promise I won’t push you away. But things have to go slow. There’s no room in my heart for any more pain. Let’s start as friends again and see where things go from there. Alright?” 

“Perfect!” At that moment we could hear Dr. Kalonia’s car park in the yard. Ben jumped up to go let him in. The last time I had been a patient of Dr. Kalonia was the night I left Alderaan. That morning, after everything was over, I stopped at his office to have him take pictures of my injuries, in case Snoke ever convinced Lord Organa-Solo to prosecute me for stealing Manny. Lucky for me, Dr. Kalonia had taken matters into her own hands and threatened the old man with the police unless he let me and the stallion go. It took a lot of nerve to stand up to Snoke and the power of Alderaan, and I loved the doctor dearly for taking that stance. 

“Well, well, well – Rey Sands as I live and breathe. Why does it seem we only run into each other when you’re injured?” The affable, middle-aged doctor was rather flustered, which, given the circumstances surrounding our last meeting, was easy to understand. “What seems to be the problem this time, other than the large brace on your leg?” 

Ben answered, “The day’s events were a little too much excitement I’m afraid. Rey face planted in the middle of the living room and knocked herself out.” 

Dr Kalonia burst into peals of robust laughter which even brought a smile to my pain-stricken face. In retrospect, I guess it was rather amusing. “Hah, hah, hah – when you two finish poking fun at me, I’d like my head examined please. If I didn’t have a concussion, listening to you two yuk it up would certainly give me one!” 

“A patient asking to have their head examined. Priceless, especially considering how many I’d like to, just to see what their problem truly is.” Dr Kalonia walked to the bathroom to wash her hands, laughing as she went. Over the sound of running water, she called back into the bedroom, “Anything other than the head? How’s the leg? I’ve been advised by your surgeon to check the neck, see if this fall aggravated the damage.” 

Ben called back in response, “She is complaining about the leg, but hasn’t said anything about the neck.” 

“Please don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” 

“Sorry” they both replied at the same time. This got all three of us laughing, which brought Hanna into the room to see what was so funny. That brought new stories and eventually Dr. Kalonia had my child rolling with laughter. 

Soon, Dr. Kalonia began herding Hanna and her father to the bedroom door. “I need some time with my patient, alone if you don’t mind.” Ben and Hanna walked out and into the kitchen while Doc finished up with me. 

“So my dear, where does it hurt most?” 

“Head worst, then leg, then neck. The rest of me appears to be fine. No internal injuries that have identified themselves.” 

“Um hum,” was all I got out of the Doc while she pulled out various pieces of medical equipment. She took a light and looked in my eyes, clucking quietly under her breath. Then she did the ‘squeeze my fingers’ test and appeared to be satisfied with my strength. Then she poked and prodded my leg until beads of sweat popped out on my forehead. 

“I’m not sure what you’re doing down there Doc, but it isn’t very comfortable.” 

“I want to make sure you didn’t break or crack any of the newly healed bones in that calf. Nothing appears to have changed but you’re going to have one heck of a bruise on the leg to match the one on your head. But nothing new appears to be going on in the neck. Strength response is adequate considering the fisset damage; however, I would recommend you not lift anything more than five pounds for a few weeks. And it goes without saying no riding or working with the animals until this new concussion is healed.” 

“Can I lie here and feel sorry for myself?” 

“Hah, hah – very funny young lady. For once, just stay in bed and let your daughter wait on you. I’m very impressed with her attentiveness to your injuries.” 

“Well, she’s not used to seeing me at less than one hundred percent. I’ve not had any serious injuries since having her, so helpless mom is not a role she’s seen out of me before.” 

Doctor Kalonia was silent as she repacked her bag. Washing her hands again, she watched me from the bathroom doorway. “How are things between you and her father?” 

“Carefully neutral right now, we have agreed to start fresh for Hanna’s sake. Ben deserves an opportunity to get to know his daughter, I owe him that” 

“I’m glad you are being open about this. What Snoke did was wrong, evil and sick, but it wasn’t Ben that night. He was as much a victim as you.” 

“I know, and Dr. Kalonia, I’ve never thanked you for your help that morning. I couldn’t have made it out of here without you.” 

“No problem Rey, it was my duty to help you.” The subject made her uncomfortable and that was easy to understand. More than just my life changed that day. Like a mobile hanging over a crib, pull on one piece and all the others swirled into chaos and motion. 

Ben poked his head in the bedroom door. “Is everyone in here decent? Hanna wants to check on her mother.” 

Dr. Kalonia motioned them both into the room. “Ok, I’ve given Rey her orders, bed rest, no riding and take it easy - all the standard doctor warnings. Ben, or Hanna, she needs to stay awake for a while, until the knot on her head goes down. Standard concussion procedures, if her pupils don’t react correctly to light then call me immediately. I’ll stop by sometime tomorrow to check on her.” 

She tousled Hanna’s hair as she walked down the stairs. Ben went to escort the doctor out and Hanna came and sat on the bed where her father had been earlier. 

I smiled at my girl. “Hey sweetie, how are things going between you and your father?” 

“Great!” Her words were positive but there was something else, deeper. She was worried. “Are you going to be alright? I mean, really alright after all this is over?” 

“Of course, Hanna I’m going to be fine. When everything is healed, I’ll be as good as new. It’s just going to take a little bit of time.” 

She leaned against my shoulder. I put my arm around her and turned on the television. The news was coming on, so I closed my eyes and listened to the headlines and weather. Ben came back in the room and take Hanna out with him. I guess they were on their way to the kitchen to prepare some dinner. I was falling asleep, even though I knew I should stay awake. 

My dreams were filled with Ben and the night my life fell apart.


	6. Night Terror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Violence, abusive language and actions.  
> If this isn't your thing, I will leave a summary after the chapter for anyone who wants to just skip through to the next one.

I dreamed about that night. Too much had happened today for it to not be foremost in my mind. Being here made that night real and fresh in my memories, after so many years of suppressing the horror. My dream, my nightmare, came for me again. 

With unbridled enthusiasm, that night Ben and I made love on porch, ignoring the storm’s building intensity. A violent ‘pop’, a blinding flash, and a large crack of lightning exploded in the courtyard outside the farmhouse. The crack threw the power out, plunging the entire farm into darkness. I could hear the scream of the horses coming from the stallion barn, the barn closest to the farmhouse. Something was on fire, and the flames were bright enough to throw shadows into the living room. 

Ben raced to the steps, grabbing his pants and throwing clothes at me. “Hurry, we have to get Fairmont, Trouble and Manny out of there!” 

Pulling on my pants, I buttoned my shirt as I was racing down the same pathway I had, in reality, lumbered down so ungracefully earlier today. The lightning struck a tree near the barn, splitting it neatly into two sections. Sparks from the tree sections had flown onto the roof of the hay shed and a small blaze was threatening to erupt into a full conflagration. Ben threw open the sliding barn door as I ran in behind him and raced for the first stall, Manny’s. 

The big stallion was scared. His nostrils were flared, his eyes wide and rolling. His ears were pasted against his skull as he wrapped himself into the farthest corner from the stall door. I needed something to throw over his eyes, calm him down enough to get him out. Ben coaxed Fairmont from his stall across the aisle. 

Not finding anything to put over his head, I ripped my shirt off as I talked calmly to the big horse. “Come on Manny, let’s get out of here. I’m going to put this shirt over your eyes and then throw the halter on, okay? It’s alright baby, come one.” 

Gradually the colt unwound himself enough to be haltered and led out. Ben had already gotten the other two studs out and tied well away from the fire. His face smirked as he saw my shirt over Manny’s eyes. I stuck my tongue out. 

“Would you have had a better suggestion?” 

“No, I have no problem admiring the scenery.” Laughing, he grabbed the hose and began to spray down the slightly smoldering barn roof. “There’s a jacket in the tack room. Go grab it before you start another fire.” 

I laughed and patted his butt as I walked by. 

That’s when everything started falling apart. 

When I walked into the tack room, I heard the noise of a scuffle outside. Ben tried to shout, but all that came out was an interrupted gurgle. I raced to see what had happened and found him on the ground unconscious. Standing over him, with a large walking stick, was his father’s farm manager, Albert Snoke. And he was very drunk. 

Snoke hit Ben hard, apparently thinking him an intruder. Still very intoxicated, he was leering at my opening jacket with an undisguised hunger. For the first time, I was afraid of a man who I’d known most of my life. 

He spoke as he advanced toward me on unsteady legs. “Well, well, well Rey, did I interrupt you and one of the stable boys? I always knew you were fucking at least one of them. The way you move, the way you handle that stallion, shows you know how to ride a man. But I never thought you would try and burn down my stable.” 

I ignored the barb and shook my head. “No Mr. Albert, lightning hit the hay barn and started a fire. See, you can see the smoke still rising from the roofline. And that isn’t one of your stable hands you just knocked out. That’s Ben.” 

Snoke grabbed my arm. He eyes were moving in two different directions. I had never seen a man so drunk before. My parents didn’t drink, and Ben was a social drinker only. The reek from his whiskey breath was threatening to bowl me over. He pulled me close as he tried to concentrate on what I was saying. 

“Ben? What are you doing out here with Lord Han’s son?” 

“He was at the farmhouse with me, and saw the lightning strike in the courtyard. We came down here to get the studs out and stop the fire.” 

Comprehension gradually dawned in his watery blue eyes. With a slow burning anger, he tightened his grip on my arm, cutting off the circulation. Sneering, he hissed at me, “What the hell was my boss’ son doing at your house at three in the morning?” 

“We were asleep until the lightning struck.” 

Rage and madness began to register on his drunken features. Ben was in love with me and that wasn’t the future Snoke had in mind for the heir to the Organa-Solo title and lands. Fury thickened his face, darkening the already murderous gaze he viewed me with. 

“You are NOT going to marry Ben Organa-Solo! I will NOT allow it!” 

“I don’t think it’s really up to you sir. That’s our decision.” 

Stumbling a little, the older man shoved me back against the wall of the stone barn, hard enough for my head to whack against the heavy old, moss-covered stones. Stars and moons whirled in front of my eyes, causing me to miss the large fist, which he slammed full force into my mouth. The jarring loosened my teeth, brought blood gushing into my mouth and down my chin to drip on exposed breasts. I gasped for air, but none seemed to make it past the swelling in my throat. 

But it wasn’t swelling. Snoke had one hand around my neck and was squeezing to cut off my air supply. His free hand he slapped across my face, causing blood to gush from my nose in addition to my mouth. I could barely make out the words he was saying through his own fury and the loud bells and gongs that were making mayhem inside my skull. 

“No daughter of a drunken stable bum and a cheap two-bit hooker is going to be the mother of Princess Leia’s grandchildren. I can count Organa-Solo titles back seventeen generations on this land, and where did you come from? A lying piece of skirt cons a reasonable man into thinking the brat in her belly belongs to him and he marries her. Then she tries to seduce her boss and tell him the baby is his.” 

Lost in memories of a past I didn’t know, he continued, “Your mother slept with every male in this village and on this farm, except the stallions. Then she tried to pass off her pregnancy on anyone who would take responsibility. She ruined your father’s life you know? He would have been a world-class trainer if not for that stone around him neck. And was she faithful? Not for a damn minute! Those two dogs he had were more loving and faithful than that she wolf of a wife.” 

“No,” I whispered with the little oxygen I could spare. Already the edges of my vision were beginning to turn dark. “I never saw my dad drink, or my mom look at another man.” 

“That’s because Lord Han laid down the law. If they were going to stay on this farm, he had to stay sober and she had to keep her clothes on. He kept his part. I only saw him drunk once more in his life. The day I told him I didn’t think he was your blood father. Shortly after that conversation they were killed in that crash. Makes one wonder if it were truly an accident or if he had enough of your mother’s shamelessness. Now it looks as though you are destined to follow her course. But not with the lord’s son. Not with Ben.” 

He released some of the pressure around my neck so I could breathe again. The damp, charged air left from the thunderstorm matched the heightened anxiety of my soul. How could a man act so warm and caring toward me for most years of my life and then turn on my so violently? Was it true my mother didn’t know who my father really was? Somehow that didn’t fit the images inside my mind of the two people who had raised me, loved and nurtured me for every day of my life until their accident. 

“You cannot have a relationship with Ben. Not now, not ever – do I make myself clear? With your mother’s conniving ways, even Han himself could be your true father. Do you know what that would make your relationship with Ben? Incest. I will not have it.” 

Just when I thought he might be loosening his hold on my throat, he slammed my shoulders against the barn wall again, ripping the borrowed barn jacket off my shoulders as he did. Then he launched a very well coordinated blow to the collarbone. The large ‘crack’ when it snapped, sent me screaming over the edge. I slid down the wall, holding my chest tight to prevent it from bursting into millions of minute pieces. It was bad enough my nose was broken in several places, my legs were in danger or not being ready to support the rest of my tortured spirit. 

As suddenly as it began, Snoke’s rampage was over. Letting go of me, he lurched away from the barn and headed toward the main house, pausing only to pick up the still unconscious Ben. I collapsed in a heap next to the stone wall I recently had been pinned against. Air rushed through my abused throat, burning as it passed into my lungs. Gasping in large gulps of air, I grabbed the barn jacket and threw it around me. I raced to the farmhouse, threw some clothes, my riding boots, helmets in the back of my ancient truck and drove to the stables. 

I managed, one-handed, to latch the two-horse trailer to my truck, went to the tack room and grabbed every piece of equipment I thought I might need: saddles, pads, bridles, bits, a little of everything. Then I got Manny out of the new stall he had been settled into after the fire and loaded him into the trailer. As I got behind the wheel to drive away, I saw Ben, blood streaming from the gash Snoke opened on his head when he whacked him with the walking stick. He was running behind the truck, calling my name. But shame burned too brightly inside me to turn around. Snoke had done his job – I could not trust my love for Ben without knowing more about my parentage. 

With blood, sweat and tears pouring down my face, I headed toward Doctor Kalonia’s office for medical assistance, for photographic confirmation of my injuries and to make a phone call to find a new life. 

Opening my eyes, in the old bedroom now repainted, the tears rolled down my cheeks uninhibited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> Rey has a nightmare remembering Snoke's drunken actions the night she left Alderaan. Hr choked her, broke her collarbone, and swore she would never be married to Ben.
> 
> Next chapter - Ben and Rey have a long overdue conversation.


	7. Routine

When I woke up from my bad dream, strong arms were wrapped around my waist and a soft snore rumbled in my right ear. Ben had taken the nightmare as an opportunity to take care of me. It was thoughtful, but rather uncomfortable. The familiarity of him asleep against my back, arms around my waist tingled nerves I thought long buried. For a moment I allowed myself the luxury of fantasy. Of he and I and a love that would conquer mountains. But it wasn’t to be, and I needed to start being firm with Ben about what he could and couldn’t do around me. Staying the night definitely fell into the not category. It would confuse Hanna, lead her to believe there was a chance for he and I, when in reality all I could ever be was second-best. 

I managed to squirm out from under Ben’s arm and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I contemplated my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a rat’s nest, and the dark circles under my eyes would rival any corpse in any morgue across the galaxy. Yesterday had taken more out of me than I liked to confess, and given my already depleted status, seemed to mock me and my desire to head to my office and begin planning my lessons. I washed my hands, and stumbled back to the bed, shaking badly by the time I lay down again. 

Ben pulled me close, kissing the back of my neck as he snuggled me to his chest. 

“Up and trying to do too much already?” 

“Not on purpose. I had to pee.” 

“You need breakfast before taking your medicine. Dr. Kalonia told me the prescriptions would tear up your digestive system if not taken with food. What do you feel you could eat?” 

“Toast, butter with some jam. Nothing else right now. I feel nauseous.” 

I felt the bed bounce as Ben climbed out and walked to the dresser where he’d folded his clothes last night before getting in with me. Time had been very good to him, and as I stared at his tight ass and broad shoulders, I felt the old feelings tingling up my spine and centering in my belly. No matter how I might personally feel about things, I couldn’t deny Ben Solo was one damn fine man. 

“You know you can’t be doing this, staying here with me. It’s going to confuse Hanna.” 

He didn’t respond, just kept dressing. I pressed onward, my feelings churning inside like poison. Gods how this man got under my skin. 

“Ben, please tell me you realize how inappropriate this was?” 

“I don’t care.” 

His answer was quiet yet determined. Once he fastened the belt on his jeans, he looked at me. The blaze in his eyes was hot and I licked my lips remembering what that smolder used to lead to back when we were children playing with fire. 

“Rey, I want to be with you. I want us to be a family so I won’t apologize for spending the night making sure the love of my life is all right after a long and highly emotional day. Now, I’m going to make us all breakfast while you make yourself comfortable on the couch. Jaina is coming over later to take Hanna to the school to register and shopping.” 

The first day of my new life was here. 

It was early in the morning. Even the morning exercise riders were still in the barns getting mounts ready. After breakfast I sat on the front porch with my coffee, a large steno pad and a pen, watching the warm up riders in the arena while Hanna and Jaina went to town and Ben to his office in the main house. Every boarder horse plus every stallion, mare or gelding who was still active in the Galaxy Cup series or was working their way back into condition was schooled in the mornings from six-thirty am until after ten am. My job as trainer was to supervise these rides and schedule each animal’s care program based upon their need. 

Of course Manny was exercised every day, he would throw a fit if he thought me ignoring him. As a horse, he was of above average intelligence and way above average curiosity. Manny wanted me to ride him, he would nudge my leg every day as the rider led him into the arena, but I was still having problems in my neck and didn’t dare risk it. Yet. 

My personal new favorite of the horses already in the training program was a large, leggy, chestnut Irish Thoroughbred named Loco Motion. At nine years old he was just beginning to come into his own. His jumping was picture perfect, when you could actually get him over, and his ground manners were crap. More than once his rider had to have someone assist in the saddling as Loco chased them around the cross tie area with his long neck and stubborn attitude. 

Once saddled and in the arena, Loco had the unattractive habit of refusing one out of every three jumps. He wasn’t afraid of the jump; he just thought it was funny. As I sat and studied his movements I noticed the similarities between Loco and Manny. Both were very smart horses and that was part of Loco’s problem. He was bored. I made notes so that later I could make changes to his training program to play into that boredom. 

I brought along with me a mare that belonged to Armitage’s niece Jessica Pava. SchereZade had been under my care for most of her nine years and I wanted to keep her around as a possible mate for Manny. Also, I suspected Jan had been sent by the Faeroe family to keep an eye on their monetary interests in Manny. I didn’t mind, but I wished she were more open about her intentions. 

Mythology was a warm blood mare whose rider had her sent to Alderaan to work on stall issues. In a nutshell, she was claustrophobic. Rare in horses but known to be an issue, especially with high-strung animals. Myth was a beautiful jumper, but she might rip your head off your shoulders while you were trying to saddle her. Hux knew an animal communicator and it was apparent I needed his services to figure out this special lady. 

Clueless, a nine-year-old gelding was foaled at Alderaan the spring after I left. An elegant bay, one of my advanced students purchased the horse in the hopes of using him in three-day eventing. Clue was an adequate jumper, but in dressage he was unmatched. From the curve of his neck to the tight muscles in his hindquarters he exuded power contained. I would need to ascertain his rider’s commitment to eventing to give her a recommendation on Clue’s best abilities. 

Two half-sisters were in the final stages of rehab for different injuries. Rain Dancer was a good event horse who had taken a jump too fast and crashed through the gates, sending a large wood splinter deep into her chest. With the same dam, Cloud Dancer was slightly smaller but did not excel in the jumping ring. Cloud’s strength was pure dressage. Kicked by another mare while out in the pasture, her knee was starting to come around. If I could keep her owner from rushing rehab I knew I could take Cloud to the top. Rain, on the other hand, needed to be retired to breeding. I made notes to contact her owner about the possibility of mating her to Manny. 

In addition to the money-making horses, there were school horses with a variety of skill sets to be worked out, as well as the family’s personal horses. Giselle was the pregnant mare Hux and Mitaka had given to me as part of my exit arrangement from our partnership. Even pregnant she needed some supervised training, usually on a lunge line. Not due for at least five more months, Giselle was a model mare and a pleasure to work with. I was eager for her foal to arrive – Manny’s first foal. I was hoping for Manny’s talents and curiosity tempered with Giselle’s calmer personality. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see Ben’s favorite horse still on the exercise roster. White Wizard, ‘Wiz’ to those who knew him best, was a white flea-bitten Arabian gelding with the long flowing mane and tail set to breed standards. He jumped like a deer, over anything set before him, but Ben was ready to settle down. He no longer wanted a jumper. He needed a gentle saddle horse with which he could spend hours riding around the property and into the neighboring villages when he wanted to. So the retraining of Wiz to gentleman pleasure mount would probably fall into my arena. 

Jaina Organa-Solo had an older draft horse mix by the name of Doctor Doolittle. At twenty-four, Doo no longer jumped or did anything harder than walking and trotting himself around the farm with Jaina either on his back or in a harness while hitched to one of the farm wagons. Doo was the ‘mule’ of my charges. He was going to be the most openly difficult of the training groups. 

Last, but certainly not least, was the school pony I had trained along with my father, many, many years ago. A large Halflinger pony, Jax was certain he was king of the barn and he didn’t care who he had to spar to prove his point. More than one groom had been on the receiving end of his nippy teeth. His one hour workout seemed to stretch longer each day as Jax would begin his preening and pawing to demonstrate his powers. But I must admit – he made me laugh just by being himself. 

I also selected a group of advanced student riders to take under my personal guidance. I settled on six, each one exhibiting their own distinct personalities and goals as riders and as adults. These six were expected to do whatever I asked of them, whether it be teach other classes or clean stalls, without hesitation or questions. More than fifty qualified riders submitted applications as soon as Princess Leia announced my appointment as trainer. She narrowed the list to twelve, which I then personally interviewed. Each interview consisted of a riding test as well as in depth conversation. The six I offered positions all accepted. 

The first to accept was also the most similar in personality to me. Paige Tico was seventeen years old and rode flawlessly. Her position and carriage were enchanting to watch, but she was impatient when she made an error and quick to judge herself. She was however, the best beginner instructor I had seen. Small children loved her and any child taught their basic riding skills by Paige was well grounded in fundamentals. 

Hanna Wayment was my tormented student. She was a good rider, with a natural seat and steady hands. But her true talent, true passion, lay with the violin. A senior in high school, she was at a crossroad in her life and needed guidance. I put her on my roster to help her make that choice. I knew she need to stay with her music, but she didn’t. A year with me would give her the certainty that as of yet she did not possess. 

My youngest student was also my largest headache. At sixteen, Rose Tico was a natural athlete. She was a marathon runner and climber in addition to spending several days a week riding. Rose had overactive achiever syndrome. First in her class, perfect grade point average, student body president – Rose tried to be the best at anything she attempted. It would be my job to teach her the consequences of trying too hard. Burnout would be the least of her issues. 

As a turn, I also accepted a male into my program, first time ever. But Finn Storm was special. Girls and horses always form special relationships, there are many reasons why, but to find a teenage boy with that emotional contact was rare. Finn could calm a nervous animal with a touch and a whisper. Only one male I knew ever had that touch – my father. 

Finn had a cousin who I took as a hedge bet. Second youngest, she was a sponge picking up every word, watching every move I made. She had the hunger; I could see it in her eyes. No matter what I asked, no matter what I proposed, Lari was game for the task. More than once I smiled as she attempted to live up to the legend that was Rey Sands in this community.I knew she was the one who could best my records. 

The last one I accepted was Hux’ niece Jan. She wasn’t the best rider, and she wasn’t the most willing to teach or even clean stalls. But one day she would, most likely, inherit the Hux Stables and a smart owner needed to know both sides of the business. Jan would help with choosing which studs were assigned to which mares, feed and hay orders, show schedules, everything I did as trainer and manager. Jan and I didn’t always get along, but she was book smart and stingy unlike her uncle. 

These six couldn’t have been more distinct, and Ben shook his head over some of my picks; but he wouldn’t be the one working with them, I would. Those who were still in school didn’t come in until three o’clock in the afternoon. They ran the late lessons, did the evening feed and hay, then came to my office for the next day’s assignments. 

However, my job was more complex than originally imagined. 

After finishing up the supervised rides around eleven o’clock, I would retire into my farmhouse for an early lunch and a small nap. From one until three I did my office work, ordering supplies, changing feed schedules and keeping my hand in the business with phone calls and emails to others still on the Galaxy Cup circuit. Many of my former competitors in the area were now parents wanting me to either evaluate their children or judge the local shows. I always was polite, promising to let them know when I was feeling better. It was a weak answer but I refused to limp into any riding arena. 

Hanna would return home from school around three and I spent from three until five talking with her, going over homework or just hanging out, depending upon what she wanted. At five, my advanced students drilled until eight, which meant Ben would come to the house after dinner and supervise Hanna finishing homework, taking a shower and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Then he would return to the main house while I went to bed. 

The first day of lessons at the Alderaan Riding Stables was September seventh. There was an open house the weekend before, letting hundreds of people in to tour our facilities and observe our training methods. It was a new concept for the farm and it went over like gangbusters. We got twenty-three new students from that open house alone. 

Three weeks after lessons started I took my private students to the first of the many local schooling shows. All the lesson barns in our area attend, nine this year. I knew it was going to be hard for me to navigate but I took my sturdy cane. Being a stubborn woman, the ungraceful brace was left at home. By the end of the weekend, I knew that was a huge mistake. 

The local arena that hosted the show was widespread. The barns were riding distance from the warm up and show rings. Normally, I would have ridden Manny, or brought a small cart, but Manny was being used by Lari in her intermediate level classes. By the time the sun set on the first day of competition I was ragged with pain in my leg. Even Jan knew something was wrong with me. 

Sunday morning, I was a ghost, hung over from the pain medicine and lack of restful sleep. Just when I knew it would be a short day, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Ben brought the golf cart from the farm. The rest of the show was spent in blissful comfort, chauffeured around the grounds by Lord Organa-Solo. It was strange to hear people calling him ‘Lord Ben’ and I realized again how far apart our lives had become. But Ben was committed to making a big effort and becoming part of my life. He never left my side, no matter how outrageous the flirting from single women looking to bag the lord’s attention. 

In the advanced levels, Rose took second place and Paige Tico took third. I was pleasantly surprised when Finn took first place and Champion for the division. Just as the judges were about to hand Finn his ribbons and trophy, they spotted me sitting quietly in the cart, pride beaming from every pore. Suddenly the announcer changed his tactic. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have quite a local celebrity in our midst today. Miss Rey Sands, who has returned this year as trainer and manager at Alderaan, is here urging on her new prodigies. Rey, would you care to present the Champion trophy to your student?” The announcer was the same quiet grocer who handled the job when I was going through this exact program. Smiling grimly, I took the ribbon and trophy and walked through the ring to Finn. 

I made it with a minimal of limping. The applause was hearty, most knowing of the horrible fall not four months past. Finn was riding Loco Motion, who was blooming under a different training program than my predecessor had implemented. Smiling I pinned the ribbon on Loco’s bridle then handed Finn the silver cup. 

“Congratulations Mr. Storm, you were marvelous on Loco.” 

“Thank you, Miss Rey. I know Loco wouldn’t be in the winner circle without your guidance. The old trainer thought he was a waste of air.” 

“Loco has the same problem Manny does, too much intelligence for a regimented training program. You have to keep him guessing what’s coming next.” Laughing, I gave Finn a quick hug. 

We left the arena and I found myself swamped with old friends and new admirers. There were lots of hugs all around. Women and men who I’d known from childhood were all anxious to talk with me, make amends for old transgressions. I was cordial to everyone. There was no reason for bitterness. I had a business to grow and pointing out the past wouldn’t help. 

By the time we loaded the horses into the trailer for the short ride back to Alderaan, I was pushed to exhaustion. On the ride home, Ben drove while I caught a cat nap. As the trailer pulled into the yard, my students and their parents were all there to help unload. When I pulled my weary body from the cab, a collective ‘whoop’ rose from those assembled. 

“Thanks, but they deserve all the credit,” I mumbled, tossing my head in the direction of my riders. “All I did was stand at the rail and whisper encouragement.” 

Rose came forward to speak for the group. “No Miss Rey, just seeing you standing was more than you can ever understand. We are so used to seeing you sitting on a mounting block or sitting on the golf cart that watching you there on the rail was a boost no other trainer could begin to rival.” 

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I regarded the crowd. I managed to smile and shake my head. “You guys are my reason for working so hard to stand. I promise, one day I will ride the courses with all of you.” In the corner of my eye I could see Ben shaking his head. 

After all the horses were settled into their stalls and the humans gone home, Ben escorted me to the farmhouse. Hanna was staying in the manor house with her grandmother and aunt for the weekend and would return to me after school tomorrow, so I was anticipating some greatly needed alone time. But like most events in my life, alone time wasn’t the order of the day.


	8. Relearning to Work

When we finally got inside, my legs would go no further. Or to be precise, my right leg would go no further. Grabbing the kitchen counter, I slid gracefully down to the floor. Ben tried to catch me but we ended up in a heap on the floor both laughing at my lack of coordination. Grabbing the leg brace off the kitchen table, Ben fastened the steel and leather trap around my calf. 

“I hate that thing. I wish I could convince the doc I don’t need it anymore.” I grumbled. “It certainly isn’t the sexiest thing I could wear.” 

Ben pulled my carcass from the floor, laughing as he did. “True it isn’t very sexy but would you rather be running around in a four-wheel drive wheelchair? Until that multiple fracture heals you are limited on how much Hanna and I are going to let you maneuver.” 

I stuck my tongue out. Still chuckling to himself, Ben went into my bedroom and brought out the strong pain medication I only would take to sleep. 

“Something tells me you are going to need these,” he remarked, tossing the prescription bottle in my lap. Gratefully I took out two and washed them down with the glass of water he provided. Within minutes relief began washing over my body, loosening the knots of pain in my shoulders and neck. “When do you see the surgeon again?” 

“October third is my next appointment. That’s a Friday so I thought Hanna and I would ride up Thursday afternoon and spend some time with Hux and Mitaka at the house in Chandrila. Thursday night we can have dinner with old friends, and then Mitaka can take her while Hux and I go to my appointment. Friday night we drive back to the farm to be ready for the practice Greenway Belt Race on the fourth. I think I am going to have four of the six ride in the Belt Race. That will help narrow down the competitors for the Cup in November.” 

Ben shook his head again. “Am I not allowed to come with my family to Chandrila?” 

“Of course you are allowed! What a strange statement. You might have to drive us, especially if I don’t get my brace off in time.” 

“I don’t want to intrude on Hanna’s time with her ‘other’ fathers.” I heard the hurt in his voice. “Hux is the only father she knew until a few weeks ago. I don’t want to upset the relationship they have.” 

The pain drugs were beginning to relax my defenses and my responses. “Hanna always knew Hux was not her father. The outward façade for the newspapers and rag magazines was crafted to distract from Hux and Mitaka’s relationship. It was a game we all played.” 

“How can Hux be gay when he makes a production of picking up women, beautiful women, all over the world?” 

“The ultimate public relations coup, outward one life, behind closed doors another. But I think now that Hanna and I are gone Hux may go ahead and come all the way out. Both men just come from a generation where being homosexual was frowned upon at all levels. Now however, those stereotypes are changing.” 

“Don’t worry about your daughter’s relationship with them. Both men would cut off their arms for that girl. Hanna has great substitute fathers.” 

Ben helped me to the couch before I fell over. Removing my boots allowed blood to pound through the bad leg, momentarily increasing my pain despite the drugs. The grimace on my face could not be hidden, nor could the sharp intake of air. The concern on Ben’s face smoothed into a momentary calm, revealing glimpses of the torch he had carried for me for ten years. I raised one arm and cupped my hand around his cheek. He placed his on top of mine. 

I broke the companionable silence. “Snoke really did mess things up for us, didn’t he?” 

“I should have come after you, should have fought harder to get you back. But he refused to fire Snoke, then I found out about the gambling debts Han owed Snoke and my hands were tied.” 

“I wouldn’t have come. There are some wounds that need time to heal.” 

He shook his head in silent argument. “I love you.” 

“Sometimes love isn’t enough Ben.” 

For a long time we sat there lost in a past that hadn’t been allowed to happen, anniversaries never celebrated, the road not taken. There was however, a familiarity and a pattern that felt so right between us. Perhaps I should give Ben the chance he wanted, open up the sealed vault of my heart and give us another shot and let love make the decision. The drugs thought that was a wonderful suggestion. 

“Ben? 

“Hmm?” 

“My first night here you told me you wanted us back together, wanted to work things out. Do you remember that?” 

“Of course.” 

“Then let’s give it a try. Now that no one has a reason to stop us, and if we take this slow and let my heart adjust, I think it’s time. That is, if you still want me.” 

Ben’s smile broke like sunshine in the darkening room. “I haven’t wanted anything but you Rey ever. I’ve loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. That auburn hair and those big eyes, tied together with an attitude of determination topped off with a heart the size of the ocean. What man wouldn’t be in love with you?” 

“All these years spent trying to deny how I felt about you seem so pointless now. I ran so hard that night, and all I managed to do was run in a circle.” The medicine was beginning to make me honest and open; two traits Hux always told me were completely unattractive. “I have a confession. There hasn’t been any other man in my life except you either.” 

His eyebrows cocked at this admission. “What about Hux?” 

“We tried, but there was no chemistry between us. I wasn’t Hux’ type. I love him, but as a brother.” 

“Interesting, considering how hard you worked to convince me and everyone else that Hux was Hanna’s father.” 

“Like I said, a careful PR story can cover many sins.” 

As dark continued to deepen outside, thunder could be heard in the distance. There were still things unspoken which needed to be brought out. While I didn’t know how much of that night Ben remembered I could recall every agonizing moment. 

“Ben?” 

“Yes?” 

“Do you know what Snoke said about my parents that night?” 

Long pause. “I know what Doc Kalonia told me he managed to piece together from your ramblings.” 

“You’re older than I am, do you think my mother was …?” 

“No. I think Snoke wanted to hurt you and using your parents was a very effective way to do it. He could be ruthless when he wanted to cut deep. I know; I was on the receiving end of his rants more than once. Soon as Snoke and Dad starting drinking it was everyone for themselves. Mom would lock herself in the studio or drive over to Greenway for dinner with friends. Jaina and I would take turns checking on them to make sure nothing bad ever happened. Until that night, because it was my night to watch over him and I stayed with you instead.” This was the first time I heard Ben admit his fault in the demise of our relationship. 

“I don’t regret staying with you Rey; I regret not being able to stop Snoke from pulling you into his delusional dysfunction. You know, once he sobered up he wanted to come with me after you, but then Doc Kalonia got here with the sheriff and I overheard their conversation. Kalonia threatened to plaster the photographs and identify Snoke as the source of the damage. Of course, Dad couldn’t let that happen, so he caved in for once and let the matter die out. But for a while, everyone took bets about what really happened; don’t know if anyone actually won the pot.” 

“Ben, do you think we are related?” 

“No, but what about you?” He held my hand and examined my eyes closely. “Do you think we are related?” 

“No. I looked too much like my father to ever entertain the notion anyone else could be my parent. Do you think my mother was a slut? He certainly made her seem very promiscuous. Do you think they were ever together?” 

This time his answer was strong and sure. “No. My father idolized my mother. And the lands and titles are through her family. Without her money and influence Han would have been just another flyboy come home from a horrible situation. She was his world, and when he died, Mother locked herself in her room for a month after the funeral.’ 

Soon the combination of the drugs and my own personal exhaustion began dragging my lids heavier and heavier. Ben noticed the sudden even timbre of my breathing and I have a vague memory of being carried to the bedroom. It began raining in earnest, bringing an early fall nip to the night air. Ben crossed the room to light a fire in the fire place, while I floated happily admiring the narrowness of his waist and the sculpture of his alabaster skin. 

“When did you get so good looking?” I was slurring words but to my own ears I sounded fine. Ben turned to look at me with laughter on his lips. 

“Apparently about twelve years ago, that being the first time you acknowledged the mesmerizing effect I had on you.” He crossed back to the bed and eased beside me on the side of my good leg. “You look very good in fire light, did you know that?” 

“Thanks, I work at it.” The closeness of his warm body was clouding my already fogged emotions. “You still smell wonderful, did you know that?” 

“Okay, so the secret to our attraction is fire and smelling good, not too sure that’s a sustainable combination.” Ben’s voice was getting huskier as he drew close. “But if we are telling each other truths, I find the way you ride very sexy.” 

My eyes were beginning to cross with sleep and drugs. His features were beginning to blur, so I decided to act before night and darkness took over. Grabbing his shirt, pulling him close, heady with that smell and the heat of his nearness, my lips brushed against his; the flame of response through both of our bodies was immediate. 

I forgot what a fantastic kisser Ben was. Everything clicked, just as it had twelve years ago. A heat long buried roared through my body, scorching my nerve ends and confusing my already swirling head. Walls erected in my heart long ago began the slow process of breaking themselves down. Emotions I had neglected rushed to the forefront of my mind, each clamoring for my undivided attention. This overwhelmed my fragile soul and tears began flowing unchecked. 

Ben sensed my emotional distress and pulled back. Tenderly he wiped the tears from my cheeks. In a low undertone he asked, “That was too fast, wasn’t it?” 

Sobbing now in earnest, my drugged brain managed to pull my emotional distress into a silent accusation. Sobbing, despite my determination not to I clung to the nearness of him while attempting to regain my inner confidence. At last I pushed away, gently because I knew there was still a need for him throbbing through my loins. I prayed God would someday give me the right words to convey how emotionally damaged I felt. As outside rumbles of thunder were growing louder and louder, Ben wrapped his arms around me and continued to hold me through the powerful storm. 

By the time the rains were on top of the farm, I was sound asleep, wrapped against Ben’s warm bare chest, listening to his heartbeat just as I had so many different lives ago. The security of his arms kept the rain and thunder far away from my dreams. When the alarm clock sounded the next morning we were still entwined with each other. The rain was gone and the sun was starting to rise over the hills. 

Ben opened his eyes as I struggled to get free and hit the snooze button on the alarm. Grumbling with pain still shooting through my calf I threw the covers off and tried to sit up. He pulled me back into his embrace and kissed me softly on the neck. 

“Let someone else watch the exercising this morning.” 

I groaned. “I can’t, no one else is coming in this early. Loco needs a lighter day than normal as a reward for doing so well this weekend and Manny gets worried if I don’t feed him in the mornings.” 

After kissing Ben I reluctantly dressed and went about my day. Our success at the show brought fresh interest in lessons and training. It was lunch before I knew it. I limped from the stud barn back to my kitchen to fix something to eat and return phone calls. Hanna was home before I could finish up. While she did homework I made new training plans for several horses and worked on assignments for the Greenway Trials. When Ben came in to fix dinner and stay with Hanna it startled me, time had flown all day. 

“Hello beautiful!” Ben kissed my cheek as he breezed through the office on his way to check on Hanna. I waved my hand in response because I was on the phone. While I finished, I could hear the two of them in the other room rough housing and laughing. Hanging up the phone I went to join them on my way to the indoor arena. 

They were on the couch together watching television when I came in. “What was funny?” I asked while gathering my notes and cane to leave. 

The two looked at each other and burst into laughter again. I frowned knowing it had something to do with me. In frustration I turned and headed for the door. Ben caught me on the front porch. 

“We weren’t laughing at you. We were laughing because I told Hanna you had agreed to give us a chance. She’s happy and was just showing it.” 

“I hate being the butt of anyone’s joke.” 

Ben smoothed my hair and pulled me close by the lapels of my barn jacket. “Sorry, it won’t happen again. On a related note, how about dinner Friday night? I know you don’t have any lessons and there isn’t a show this weekend. I want us to go on a proper date for a change.” He kissed me lightly on the nose. 

“I’d like that very much.” 

“Great! I’ll get Jaina to baby-sit Hanna. In case we don’t see each other much this week, I love you Rey.” 

I told a slightly pause and a deep breath, then said the words I had hidden so deeply for years. “I love you too.” 

The rest of the week flew by. I increased the training for my Greenway candidates. The Greenway Race was a cross-country race, across eight miles of open land bordering the coast. Each year the local stables competed for the bragging rights and Alderaan had not won since my last year as an amateur. It would be the ultimate welcome home gift to return the Greenway Cup to our farm. 

Three riders were of skill levels where I was confident one could win. Finn on Loco, Rose on Mythology and Paige on Manny all had the drive and potential to take the Cup with adequate preparation. The other three girls would also participate but they didn’t have the capacity needed for a two-hour race and Jan needed to become a business manager, not a rider. 

The Greenway Race was on Thanksgiving, two months away but the Trials would begin in a week. Barely enough time to get ready but I would start taking the riders out to the Belt as soon as possible to acclimate them to the conditions. There were twenty jumps over the eight miles, including a dell similar to the one that had caused my own injuries. While I could coach them from the ground, they needed to actually experience those obstacles themselves. That meant at some point I would have to teach from horseback. 

Loco was progressing beautifully under his new training program. Every morning he was galloped on the Greenway by one of my part time riders, a former jockey who was too old to get mounts on the track anymore, but couldn’t stand to be away from the horse’s altogether. In the afternoon we worked either jumping or doing dressage. I changed his afternoon routine every day to prevent the boredom returning. 

Myth was also getting better. She no longer kept the majority of her time in a stall but instead had her home in a run-in shed along with Wiz and a few other geldings used for lessons. The open air calmed her claustrophobia and she no longer freaked out in the wash rack and even allowed herself to be loaded onto the trailer with only minor complaints. ROSE loved the tall mare and worked tirelessly to keep her clean and happy. 

Paige would ride Manny for two reasons. One, Manny responded well to the teenager, often following her around the pasture like a puppy. Two – Paige was a miniature me. Her aggressive attitude and do it all manner reminded me of how I was as a teenager. I wanted to encourage that hunger in her because if she wanted to go all the way into Galaxy Cup competition, Mitaka and Hux would do anything asked to make sure that happened. 

When Friday arrived, I left the arena earlier than normal and swore my kids to riding without jumping. Hanna met me at the back door, rushing to help me off with my brace and boots, whistling under her breath. It was obvious she was happy her father and I were going on a date. I felt guilty I hadn’t made these advances before, tried to make amends and given my child a relationship with her father. As I hobbled into the shower I could hear Hanna on the phone talking to Aunt Jaina. 

“Jaina? Mom just got in the shower. Do you want me to take the golf cart and head on up to the house or wait for Dad to get here? OK, I’ll wait until she gets out of the shower. See ya soon!” She raced up the stairs to get a bag packed. I turned on the water and took my shower. Limited time remained in which to get ready. 

Ben let himself in while I was finishing my makeup. “Hello? Are you decent?” 

“Almost ready Ben, come and talk to me while I finish up.” I brushed my hair and sat down on the bed to replace the brace and put my shoes on. Ben came around the corner and stopped in the doorway. 

“Wow, I had forgotten how breathtaking you are when you aren’t working!” He wolf whistled in appreciation. 

I blushed. Hanna’s bursting into the room was a welcome distraction. “Wow Mom, you sure look pretty!” That just made me blush hotter. I was in a nicer pair of jeans with boots, a cashmere sweater and wool jacket. Instead of stuffing my hair under a ball cap, the curly and often unruly auburn locks were hanging down my back. I had even put on makeup, a new and still untested concept. Before the accident I had never worn any, however now that I had tasted mortality, I felt old. 

Judging by the look in Ben’s eyes it was something I needed to wear more often. His eyes always laughed and smiled at the same time but now they sparkled with a new fire. Taking my hand, he led to his car, while Hanna left to join her aunt. He opened the passenger door and helped me get my braced leg into seat. Once he eased behind the steering wheel, Ben leaned over and kissed my cheek. 

“Wow” he breathed. “I forgot just how beautiful you are.” 

“Thanks” I groused, rather irate at his inference. “Only you could take a compliment and turn it into a dig.” 

He laughed, “I meant, the last time we went on a date you were eighteen and we were covered in mud and sweat. Tonight, I will never forget how you look tonight. You grew up without me, and I never dreamed just how beautiful you would become.” 

“Nice way to sneak back into my good graces, but where are we going to eat?” I was blushing again. It had been a long time since I felt so self-conscious. I forgot how good being with him felt. Our hands naturally linked together, the years and the distance melting away as the miles flew under the sports car’s ground hugging tires. 

“I thought we would go out to the country club. All the old geezers will be in tonight discussing last weekend’s show and it would do them well to see you all spiffed up and standing tall. You need to show everyone you are back and in business.” Ben’s tone was serious but his eyes betrayed the humor he found in this situation. Most of the area trainers had been chasing my records for their entire careers and here I was, showing up in the heart of their kingdom. 

It would be an interesting evening.


	9. All the Best Reasons

The Alderaan Country Club was built in traditional stone and beam style, with matching barns and golf center. Long rolling lawns of deep green extended in all directions, some leading to the championship golf course, others to the many riding and foxhunt trails. The club was the central gathering point for the many small villages located around the western cliffs. Rumors were born and laid to rest here, fortunes made and lost over fast horses and impossible golf shots. As a child I loved the smell of pipe tobacco found in the pub and leather in the stable. Many of the cross-country race records had been set by me and my name, along with my father’s hung on most of the walls in the clubhouse. 

When we entered the dining room, there was a table of ten trainers and barn managers from the local stables seated in the pub close to the large stone fireplace. Above the mantle hung a picture of an early Irish thoroughbred done in the traditional idealized Victorian style. The horse was Whiteout, great-great-great grandsire of Snowman, my Manny. Every time I saw that painting, my chest swelled with pride knowing I was continuing a long line of true blood horses. 

The table motioned us over, but I could see more than one eyebrow raised at the clasped hands between Ben and myself. Chairs were moved and space made for two more to squeeze in at the large round already crowded with plates and beers. While I was the youngest of the assembled, I was the most decorated and most successful. Three of the trainers were at Varykino, an upscale riding academy down the Belt that catered to snobby, rich teenagers whose parents had more money than time to spend on their children. Along with their barn manager those accounted for the lesser talent. The others were more formidable. 

Cassian Anders and his wife Jyn ran a rehabilitation center a few miles from Alderaan. They took in young racehorses that were unsuccessful on the race track and retrained them to hunters and saddle horses. They were similar in build and appearance – tall, wiry and quiet people who had forgotten more on training than I would ever learn. They knew my parents and often came to the farm house for dinner. 

Poe Dameron and his partner Kaydel Connix had bought out an impoverished farmer nearer to Folley. They were interested in breeding the large Dutch warm blood mares they adored to Manny, hoping to get a nimble, larger, more agile horse capable of more height than the heavy warm bloods. Their mare Eden was on the list for a March breeding and I was looking forward to seeing the result. 

The last were also the last two people I would ever like to see darken my door. Unkat Plutt and his nephew Teedo were the original stable in the Greenway, their property was next to Alderaan, and those two were the bane of my existence during my teenage years. Unkar was old school, tough on his horses and on other humans. Teedo learned cruel tricks from his uncle, and more than once I had exposed their abused animals to the officials. 

“Well Rey, you certainly have arrived back in town with a bang!” Jyn Erso was smiling and extended her hand. I clasp it warmly. It felt good to feel accepted by people who knew Snoke had run me out of town. “How are you feeling dear?” 

“Tired but recovering, thanks,” I smiled to her and the table. “It feels like this brace is becoming a permanent part of my leg!” 

“At least you are alive Rey. I was there and saw it all happen. You scared everyone. How is Manny?” 

Ben answered for me. “Manny is great and glad to be home again. And I am glad they came home, because it has given me the opportunity to meet my daughter and to get reacquainted with Rey.” He smiled at Poe with a certain intensity in his eyes that made me think this was the continuation of a long conversation. 

I nodded to everyone, “Yes, we are glad to be home. I have a wonderful group of students and in the spring Manny gets to stand at stud and be lazy. It is a blessing to be able to come here and heal.” 

Cassian spoke up. “Your students certainly mopped up at the show last weekend. Are you going to let any of them compete in the Greenway Cup?” 

You could hear the change in the room as everyone stopped in their conversation and eating to hear whether Alderaan’s riders would be in the Cup under my tutelage. Taking a deep breath, I hedged my answer, just as my father would have done. “I haven’t made up my mind yet Cassian. I can’t train them for the Cup from the ground, and I am supposed to be land bound for several more weeks. If we go, it will be a last-minute decision.” 

The murmur that started back up around the room had gossips urgency with it. I just announced eventually I would ride again, an issue that Ben and I did not see eye to eye upon. Indeed, we’ve had more than one evening of discussion on this very topic. The rest of the evening was fun and light, many old stories were told and objected and retold until it was late in the night and time to go home. Ben was extremely quiet on the way back to Alderaan. 

When he pulled the car into the drive before the cottage he turned and asked me point blank, “Are you trying to ride with that brace on your leg?” 

“What? No! If I go out to the Greenway I will hook up a cart and ride out there. Why would you ask me that?” 

“Because you all but declared it tonight when Cassian asked. Rey, I need you to swear to me you won’t try anything before your doctor clears you. If you fall and reinjure that neck at best you could be paralyzed. You could break your neck…” 

“I could break my neck walking down the lane! I’m not suicidal Ben; I will ride again when my doctor, I, and Manny all agree it is time.” 

He nodded and got out of the car. After opening my door we went inside and sat down by the fireplace to talk. I watched as he rebuilt the dying embers into a warm and cozy glow. When finished he turned around and smiled as he caught me staring. 

“Thank you for going to dinner with me Rey. It was nice to get away and be in a social situation and not have to worry who your friends are going to try and hook you with next.” 

“So that’s what you have been doing for the past ten years.” I loosened the brace and rubbed my leg. 

Ben took over the rubbing. “No, I didn’t go out except when I had to. But every year at the Greenway Ball or Alderaan’s New Year’s party at least one of my mother’s friends had someone new to introduce to me. The last was the absolute worst. Bazine Netal, granddaughter of some remote cousin of my father’s college roommates. By our second date she was already planning a wedding. There was no third date; I was sure it probably would involve drugged cocktails and a shady justice of the peace!” We both laughed at the thought of him and a shotgun wedding. 

Ben sat down on the floor beside the couch and looked into my eyes with so many questions. “I really thought you were a couple with Armitage, Rey. Why didn’t he tell me the truth? Each spring he’d bring a new crop of mares, and each time I’d ask how you were. He never replied anything other than fine.” 

I shrugged my shoulders and looked down. “Because Mitaka and Hux decided from the beginning this was my secret to tell. It wasn’t their place and they decided not to break the rules. Don’t hold it against him. I was too angry to tell you the truth and then too much of a coward to change people’s perceptions. But I did think her name would have been a clue.” 

“Hanna Padme Sands. I was too hurt to see it before now. Sorry Rey for being such a git and letting my father and his manager attempt to dictate who I would and would not associate with. It was a shock to learn about Han’s secret debts and dealing with that mess and now I am only beginning to learn just how sick a man Snoke really was.” Ben intertwined his fingers in my thick curls and stared into my eyes with a sincerity that had not been there at twenty-three. He knew pain as well as I did. 

“Rey?” He leaned closer to me. 

“Yes Ben?” I cut the space between us. 

“Do you know what I want more than anything?” Our faces were almost touching. 

“What?” I breathed in the musk of him. 

“This.” When he kissed me my heart exploded with love, as strong and deep as the first time twelve years ago on a cliff overlooking the sea. Even now I could hear the waves crashing in my ears, only to realize it was the pounding of our hearts. All of my senses were filled with him, and the feelings I ignored for so long burst from their hiding place and demanded attention. I grasp his neck and allowed myself to be pulled down and into his arms. 

An eternity had passed since the last time he held me this way, but all that time vanished in the feeling of being whole again. Slowly the walls I so carefully built over the past ten years swayed back and forth allowing hope to enter. I wasn’t ready to jump into bed with him, but no longer would I lock him out. Hanna and her mother were falling in love and it was wonderful. 

He kissed his way up my neck and breathed into my ear, the heat quickening my blood, “Do you know how long I have waited for this? Waited to make things right with you? Since ten minutes after I woke up in the house and discovered what had happened. By the time I could manage my nausea and chase after you, it was too late. Then I passed out again and woke up two days later in the hospital. Dr. Kalonia told me what transpired between you and Snoke. Rey, I am so sorry.” 

I placed my finger over his lips and whispered, “Don’t okay? It’s alright. All these years I punished you when I should have focused my anger on him; it wasn’t right. I want to make things right again, want to have the future we planned for. But right here and now let’s bury the specter of Snoke. Let that past die forever.” 

“If you can, then I know I can.” He kissed my fingertips then pulled me close again to kiss my throat. “I love you Rey.” 

“I love you too, Ben.” 

He pulled me to my feet and we went to bed. It was late and the horses wanted to be fed first thing in the morning, regardless of how I felt. As we moved into the bedroom, Ben grabbed my hand. “I’m not going to pressure you, Rey. Nothing more than your presence is all I want.” 

I smiled, “Thank you.” 

Snuggling into bed beside him felt as natural as walking. When the alarm sounded much too soon, he jumped out of bed and turned it off. I tried to protest but he shushed. “Jimmy and the other men can get things going this morning. Give yourself another hour.” He lay down and gathered me into a drowsy embrace. “Sleep baby, today has its own agenda but let it evolve later.” 

I ended up spending most of the day in bed with charts and my laptop. Dinner and the company had awakened in me the desire to return the Greenway Cup to Alderaan. From satellite pictures and memories, I rebuilt the course in my head and on a map, including the dells and pitches that won or lost the Cup races. When I met with my private students that evening, I was ready. 

“Alright children,” I intoned. “The gauntlet has been thrown down. On Thanksgiving Day I will be taking three of you to the Greenway Cup. It isn’t anything against the rest of you, but we only have three horses in shape to compete in seven weeks. Starting tomorrow we will be covering the course inch by inch, so come prepared and earlier than normal. We have a lot of work to do.” 

“How are you going to get out to the cliffs, or are you going to get back on a horse?” Paige was quiet, hoping to not be chosen. 

“I am going to hook up Doo to the pony cart and ride out that way. Unless a new leg shows up between now and then!” I was set. I handed each of them a copy of the course map I worked on all day, complete with all the extras I could remember. “Now, this is our field guide. Know it; learn it – each day we will be working on a section and it might not be in order. By the day of the race, each of you will be capable of riding the Cup.” 

“So why are only three of us competing?” As the youngest, Rose didn’t feel she would be on my radar. “And which three is it?” 

“There are only three because only three horses have the physical conditioning to handle the eight miles and jumps of the race and they are Manny, Loco and Myth. Finn and Loco have made quite a connection this year and they deserve the chance to bring the Cup home.” 

“Myth is hard to control inside a ring, but I think the openness of the cross-country course will provide the happiness she is looking for. Rose and Ansley have both ridden Myth but Rose has more upper body strength. 

“Okay people, tonight is a wash. I will see everyone early tomorrow so sleep well.” As I turned to hobble out of the arena, I could hear the gossip building behind me and I smiled. It felt good to be doing something so familiar again. I thought of all the Greenway trophies in the manor house. I promised the ghost of my father to put another one beside them in the case, only as the trainer and not the rider. 

At home, Ben and Hanna had dinner waiting for me. When I limped into the kitchen Hanna was putting bread on the table. 

“Mom, Dad and I made dinner. We are having spaghetti.” She was wearing an apron that dragged on the floor and had sauce on her cheek. Laughing I sat down. 

“Thanks baby, it looks fabulous.” 

It was our first dinner together as a family.


	10. Growth and Healing

On Thursday before my doctor’s appointment, we all headed to Chandrila. Hux and Mitaka would be putting us up for the night, and I was excited to be back in the city. So much of my last ten years was wrapped in this area, and it seemed odd to be a visitor to this town. When the car pulled up in front of the house, I bounced out and up the front steps in a flash. For the past ten years, this had been home and I was anxious to enter my former sanctuary. Mitaka and Armitage were waiting for us at the front door. 

Hanna ran to her room, still decorated with some of her hundreds of dolls and model horses and within minutes settled in like she never left. Mitaka and Hux showered me with kisses and hugs then welcomed Ben for the first time to our house. I could see Ben measuring up the people and place where his daughter had been raised the first ten years of her life and I saw the smile of approval as he delved into conversation with Mitaka. Mitaka loved my daughter as his own, and had his own agenda of questions for Ben. 

Dinner was low key and Hanna soon disappeared into the back yard with several friends from the neighborhood while the four of us finished dessert and moved into the front parlor for after dinner conversation. 

“Well Ben,” Armitage drawled as he sank gracefully into an arm chair instead of his usual seat beside Mitaka on the divan, “I must confess it feels strange to be welcoming you into our home after all these years. Not that I object, not in the least; I just thought Rey would be harder to coax back into your arms.” 

I glared at my closest friend. “Hux, Ben and I are just starting to work on a relationship for Hanna’s sake. There’s nothing going on between us.” 

“Yet,” Mitaka murmured into his coffee. 

Ben smiled and blushed. I don’t know who this conversation was harder on, him or me. “Don’t get me wrong Armitage; I love Rey and my daughter. But ten years doesn’t just disappear overnight. When Rey is ready, I’ll be here.” 

“But where were you the night Snoke ran her off?” Mitaka wasn’t letting go of his anger at Ben. He still remembered the wreck I had been the night Armitage dragged me in and gave me refuge. “After your father died, why didn’t you try and come after her?” 

Ben took my hand in both of his. With his eyes on Mitaka, I knew the words were to answer any lingering doubts I might have on our relationship. “When I woke up in the hospital, my father and Snoke told me Rey left of her own initiative. It was a week before I heard the truth. I never saw who hit me, so when I found out it was him, it was devastating. I was making plans to come find Rey when I saw the press notice about her and Armitage.” 

“I spent weeks thinking of how to win her back from Hux Stables. Finally, I worked up the nerve to come to Chandrila, and that night it was announced she was pregnant. I got rip roaring drunk and returned to Alderaan the next morning defeated. But I never stopped loving her, and hoping one day she would leave the Hux machine and return to me. And now she has.” 

Mitaka stood up and pulled a DVD case from shelf above the large flat screen television that dominated most of the wall. Soon pictures of my pregnancy and Hanna’s birth were splashed on the screen in stereo for everyone to review. I had never seen the entire video before. When Hanna was a child, we watched it together one time. I fell apart weeping with a bad case of missing Ben and if Hanna asked to view them again, it was without me. But now it was time. 

I clutched Ben’s hand as a very pregnant me waddled across the porch, down the steps and into Hux’s antique Bentley sedan. When we arrived at the hospital, the orderly brought out a wheelchair for me and Mitaka insisted on pushing me in while Hux filmed everything. I grimaced as the younger me panted and screamed with labor pains as Hux made witty comments as a narrative. Our triangle business and professional relationship was close and personal and Ben saw the love Hanna came into. 

Hux cut the cord, with Mitaka’s hand on his, while I wept on the screen and in person. I could sense the tension in Ben; that should have been him. Then the four of us were in the penthouse suite of the hospital, named after Armitage’s mother. Two hours after her birth, Hanna and I were bathed and made up and posing for the evening edition of the news. Of course, the fact there was no father’s name on the birth certificate spoke volumes to the horse world. Everyone knew about Ben and thought they knew about Hux but I was a mystery. Watching these videos brought that out in sharp contrast. 

Watching the father of my child devour the video of moments that should have included him but didn’t, was saddening. It reconfirmed to me the rightness of coming together again. Not that Mitaka and Hux hadn’t tried to fill the void of no father. Some moments in these home movies made me laugh, some laugh and cry. But Ben should have been in all of them. 

That night, Hanna slept in her room, Mitaka and Hux in their room and Ben with me in my old room. Once the door was shut, Ben began looking at the paintings and photographs on the wall. They were all of Hanna and me. Mitaka took them at the beach one summer when Hanna was four. They were fabulous; several were used in different advertising campaigns. The best was the least known of all – a large painting of me and Hanna with a blonde colt, all curled up together in the summer grass. I hadn’t even known he was nearby. It was a day I wanted to be far away and someone else. I hadn’t known who I wanted to be, just that I was terribly unhappy. But with Ben here, those feelings began to disappear along with my cranky mood. 

“Beautiful,” he whispered nodding to the portrait. “Did Mitaka paint this?” 

“Yes, from a photograph Armitage took one afternoon at the Hux training center in Arkanis. Hanna was learning to be around the horses, and one of the Belgian draft mares just foaled. In the original picture the mare was standing behind us. Mitaka took her out and added the rest of the pasture instead. It was a magical day.” I smiled remembering the feel of the warm sun on my skin. 

“I wish I had been there.” The tone of his voice roused me from the daydream. It was sorrowful. “I wish I could have had the opportunity to be there.” 

“But you’re here now, let’s make new memories.” 

“But that’s just it Rey, those are firsts I am never going to experience except through videos taken by her gay uncles! My first child’s birth, her first word, walking in sunshine through a pasture – all given to other men. I have such incredible anger all of a sudden. What do I do with this anger?” He moved closer until I could smell the musky warmth that was uniquely his. “Why am I so angry?” 

“Because I was wrong, and I’m sorry.” The words were whispered, my eyes locked on his. “I’ve wasted so much time we should have had together; all from misplaced anger, letting anger toward Snoke and your father dictate my feelings toward you. Can you ever forgive me?” 

His crooked smile was loving and genuine. “Would I be standing here if I hadn’t?” 

Taking my hand in his, Ben pulled me toward the bed and helped me in, swinging my weakened right leg with its brace up onto the mattress. Then he got into the other side of the king bed and looked over at me, limited to simple motions due to my mechanical limb. “I won’t move any closer than you tell me, but I’d like to.” 

Holding up my arms I let him pull me toward the center and into his embrace. Everything felt so primal and the details of that moment etched themselves in my mind. The silk of my nightgown against my skin, the warmth of his body along mine, my senses filled with the musky maleness of him. The velvet of his lips on mine fired a heat in my blood I thought long extinguished. Ten years of diligence withholding my emotions melted away in the flame of his caress. Blindly I let him lead the both of us; I had no will to stop. When his tongue pressed against my lips, I parted them as willingly as ten years ago. 

Everything was magical, just as the first time so long ago; it was as though the span in the middle never happened. Twenty-eight now instead of eighteen, the maturity of my emotions brought a lust inside my groin unlike any experienced in my childhood. Now I knew the power of using one’s mind as well as body in a loving, committed relationship and currently the flood swirled with emotional richness. 

His skin was smooth, lightly tan from years spent in the sun, with few scars to mar the perfection. Long, lean muscles and broad shoulders from years of riding, swimming, and hard work gave him power and sensuality. I ran my nails lightly across his back and heard the sharp intake of air as he attempted to pull back, but I would not let him go. I could feel the blood racing through his veins, growing larger with his need. 

With a rush of blind lust, I pulled him onto me, urged him to take me before I changed my mind. Once inside, the gentle yet emotional thrust of his tongue was removed, as his lips bit gently against my neck, causing my hips upward to greet the blessed pain. Finally, at the point where desire and need melded together into a perfect expression of physical abandonment, the walls of our self-imposed denial gave way to the love Ben and I had walled inside so many years previous. There were no regrets and no inhibitions as I gave myself over to his forgiveness and accepted my place truly was at his side. 

* * * * 

The next morning Ben took me to the orthopedic surgeon while Hux and Mitaka took Hanna to the zoo, her second favorite place in Chandrila. We entered his office and were ensconced in a room before any photographers could see us there. The Chandrila newspapers and televisions stations still considered me news, because of my connections with Armitage. If all went according to plan, we could be out of the building and on our way back to the townhouse without anyone the wiser. Hux paid well to assure his privacy, and mine. 

“Well Rey,” Dr. Harrison drawled in his slow and methodical way, “the leg looks good on the x-ray. Let’s say we take this brace off and see how you run?” Removing the steel and leather contraption made my right leg feel lighter than the left. Ben helped me off the exam table and onto the treadmill Dr. Harrison kept in the office to measure patients like me. “Okay Rey, let’s start slowly.” 

Setting the speed to two miles an hour on flat ground I felt good. The walking I did around the farm built up the muscles even while the brace supported shin bones screwed and held together by a titanium plate. Then the doctor started pushing to see where I really stood. By the time we settled on a moderate grade at a low jog, my knees were trebling and sweat had popped out on my brow. I managed 3.1 miles per hour. 

Dr. Harrison made some notes on his chart, snapped it shut and stood to leave. Then he noticed Ben. “I’m sorry, have we been introduced?” 

“No,” Ben replied smoothly as he shook the surgeon’s hand. “I’m Benjamin, Lord Organa-Solo.” 

At the mention of the Organa-Solo name, Dr. Harrison’s eyebrows rose. “That’s right; Rey just went to work for you. If you have any questions about her leg causing work problems, I can assure you everything will be fine. She will be able to ride again.” 

“Oh no, it has nothing to do with her work performance. Rey and I have a long personal history together.” The even tone in Ben’s voice betrayed the humorous annoyance he was feeling toward the doctor. “As a matter of fact, I’m the father of her daughter, Hanna.” 

The color fell out of Dr. Harrison’s face. He couldn’t back out of the exam room fast enough, throwing down the discharge papers as he raced out, probably to find a news crew to share his exclusive. I chuckled in spite of the pain in my calf. The doctor said I could ride again, that was all I needed to hear. As Ben and I exited the building there were three cameras waiting for us. For a big city, news sure traveled fast. By the time we reached the zoo to meet up with Hux and Mitaka, news crews were everywhere. The secret was out of the bag. Armitage Hux wasn’t Hanna’s father, it was Lord Organa-Solo. We barely got back to the townhouse without a mob. 

Armitage and Mitaka both found the situation humorous. I didn’t care except for wondering how it would affect my daughter. She found the whole thing other people’s problem. Hanna was willing to play the game with the reporters, making sure the affection she showed for Ben matched with Mitaka and Hux. I shook my head at the easy way she handled the press. With hugs and kisses and waves from both Mitaka and Sabastian the three of us left to return home, where again we were met with snoops and hack writers crowding the gates of Alderaan. 

“Ben, if I didn’t know better I would swear you were enjoying all this attention. Why the insistences on letting everyone know?” 

“Rey, all our lives we’ve lived with, around, and in houses built on secrets and I refuse to carry any into our new life.” Pulling up in front of my farmhouse, he turned the engines off and looked at me. “Hanna is my daughter; I want you to be my wife; is there anything wrong with establishing that up front? Or would you rather push everything under a rug and keep this secret? Perhaps I am wrong, perhaps you want this massive charade but I don’t. Not with my daughter involved.” 

“No, I agree – let’s get rid of the falseness and lies. Hanna deserves the world to know how wonderful her father is, and that we mean lot to each other.” 

“But what do I mean to you?” For the first time Ben pressed for an answer. And I was so close to giving one. Then I saw an article on the newspaper and grabbed it. The headline read, “Organa-Solo Claims Parentage on Graham-Frost Child, age 10” with a smaller banner line, “Will Organa-Solo Riders Rewrite Greenway Cup History?” 

“Is this want you wanted? To get the farm in the news?” I pulled away feeling rather ill. “I never pegged you as a paper hound.” 

Ben smiled. “No, I want the world to know the Organa-Solo family sticks together and we intend to accomplish some big things together. Alderaan could be expanded to what we envisioned, you yourself agreed. What’s wrong with working toward a dream?” 

“Because I haven’t had any real dreams in a while Ben, just a sense of muddling through things. My brain feels like mush and I can’t remember simple things very well. I don’t want to let you down.” While it hurt to make the announcement, we both knew the truth behind my sentiments. The harsh words Snoke had thrown in my face still rang in the back of my head, coloring all my accomplishments with unworthiness. 

His crooked, goofy smile soothed all of my misgivings. “This is where we are supposed to be Rey. You and me, together. A family. Don’t turn me out now we are so new.” 

“All right, but don’t make this a news spectacle. I still have a long rehab ahead of me and don’t need reporters showing up interrupting our work.” 

“I promise.” 

Ben helped me into the house and then left for the farm office. Hanna and I changed clothes and headed out to work in the stables. Saturday was a big day for the farm. We were open to the public and after this news, the crowd would be big. I gave orders to the farm hands on fences that needed repair and paddocks that needed cleaning. Leaving Hanna at the manor house, I took the golf cart back to the stud barn. 

Ben didn’t know it, but I had my own rehab plan. Early tomorrow morning I was going to take Manny for a ride. It would have to be before the workers arrived or Ben awoke. If they knew my ideas they would have stopped me before I could leave the barn. 

Manny heard me when I came in the barn door and trumpeted his welcome. As I got closer to his stall, the low rumbling of his voice reminded me of a motor boat engine. I threw my arms around his neck and he hugged me with his head. Rubbing the enormous white head I whispered in his ears, “Tomorrow before the sun comes up I will ride you.” The great stallion nodded and stamped his hooves. He was ready to blow off some steam. 

Deciding I needed to work Manny before riding, I grabbed a lunge line and took the tall teddy bear into the arena for some line work. Attaching the nylon rope to his halter, I took the long whip and snaked it across the ground to start his trot. Immediately Manny went into work mode, arching his thick neck and extending his legs. Slowly work around the arena stopped as everyone came to watch Alderaan’s most famous foal exhibit the form which had won us more Galaxy Cup championships than any other stallion in recent history. 

From the corner of my eye I saw Ben and the foreman come down from the farm office to the rail to watch. Clucking softly to Manny he smoothly moved from the extended trot to a collected canter. Four months of easy living added some weight to the massive boy, but it looked good on his large frame. His movements reminded me of all the miles behind and ahead of us. After working the stud to a sweat in both directions, I pulled him back to a walk. From the assembled watchers came applause, he was still magic even without me on his back. 

Ben took the lead rope from me as we walked back to the stud barn. “Well he certainly hasn’t lost any of the ham, has he? I swear this horse knows the difference between a rehearsal and a performance!” 

“He does,” I replied, clicking the cross ties onto Manny’s halter and turning on the water to cool hose him down. “All these years he still turns on the charm when it counts. I really think he can bring home the Greenway cup this year.” 

“Who are you going to put on him?” Ben sponged Manny’s face as I scraped the excess water off the enormous white body. 

“Not sure right now, I am going to have all three candidates ride him and see who handles the Greenway best. Manny will carry any of them without a problem.” 

Ben laughed. “No, the problem is going to be keeping you in one place while everyone else is on course. Maybe if I tie you down…” 

“Ha, ha – very funny.” We finished with Manny and took him back to his stall, then began the short walk back to the farmhouse. The sun had gone down and the chill from the ocean made the air cooler than normal. I shuddered and Ben put his arm around me, pulling me closer to his warmth. 

“When do you think you might give me an answer about the marriage thing?” His tone was measured, but I could tell he was fishing for information on my emotional state. “We’ve already wasted a lot to Hanna’s youth. And I am looking forward to having the chance to be there for my next child’s birth.” 

“Ben, please. Let me think on it please? It’s only been two months since I arrived.” 

He stopped just before the front porch, in the dark of the spreading oak tree. Turning me to face him, he pushed the hair out of my face. His voice was low and husky, and made it hard to think. “Rey, please marry me. Or at least give me a sign this is going to work out. When are you going to stop running away from me, from us?” 

For a long moment, I stood in the warmth of his embrace. Emotions warred inside me for the first time in years. All the love and desires I stuffed deep inside finally broke free and tears rolled down my cheeks. When Ben reached up to wipe them away, I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm. 

“All right, I’ll marry you. But not before the New Year. Perhaps next year for Valentine’s Day. We need time to plan, and I don’t want to live in the manor house.” 

His expression was perplexed. “Why not?” 

“There are too many memories. Snoke ruined our lives. Han Solo had me arrested and I spent three months in prison awaiting trial on trumped up charges, all while pregnant. I cannot live in his house.” I pleaded silently for understanding. 

“Very well, we can begin our life together where it started, here in the farmhouse. My mother and sister can live in the manor.” He tightened his arms around me. “Did I really just hear you say that yes, you would marry me?” 

I nodded my head against his chest. “Yes, I’ll marry you Benjamin Organa-Solo. But…” 

“Oh God, what now?” 

“No announcement until the Greenway Ball, night before the Cup race. I don’t want anything focused on us right now other than the race. If these kids want to make it in the Galaxy Cup circuit, they need to learn now about focus and drive. Plus we need to tell Hanna before we tell anyone else. Then Hux, Mitaka and your family; perhaps an exclusive – this is the sort of thing Mitaka is fabulous at handling. Can we?” 

“Very well then Rey Sands, I have your word that on the night of the Greenway Ball I can address you as my fiancé?” His eyes were shining in the low light under the trees. 

“Yes, now I’ve said it three times, so you know it is true.” 

He kissed me for a long time.


	11. Preparation

Three o’clock in the morning came much earlier than I expected. Ben had gone home after dinner taking Hanna with him. I begged alone time to hide what I was about to do, but it was to give him time to ask our daughter if he could marry her mommy. I groaned as I rolled out of bed and into warm riding pants, sweater, riding boots and coat. Quietly I slipped out of the house and down to the barn. Manny was waiting for me. 

Ever since childhood, I have been sneaking out onto the Greenway to ride in the moonlight. The rise and fall of the land, the jumps and streams were embossed upon my brain. Manny and I learned to trust each other galloping the paths of the wide pastures along the sea. I pulled out my saddle, a custom made butter leather seat with padding and treed just for Manny. Pulling the warm-up blanket over his rump, I strapped on my helmet and eased the bridle into his mouth. 

“Okay Manny, nice and easy just like the old days.” I muttered as he chomped and rattled the bit while I adjusted the straps. “Only I can’t hang on too well right now. So we start out walking and see what happens from there, no surprises.” 

Outside in the arena, I tightened the girth and checked the stirrups again. Using the mounting block, we were soon on our way, walking in the silver beams toward the Greenway. There were no clouds in the sky, so the almost full moon lit the surrounding farmlands with its otherworldly reflections. But Manny was certain of his way, he had run these paths since youth. 

We reached the course and began a slow, soft trot to see how well I could grip on that bum leg. The answer was not well, but the big baby had a trot of pure silk, one could almost sleep on his back. After two miles I had had enough, so we took a short cut path back to the far side of Alderaan, over a fence and through some trees. Then I could see the stud barn ahead of me just as the first rays of the coming morning began to poke through. I had Manny cleaned, in his stall and all four stallions feed before the morning shift reported to work. Then I went home to nap. 

When I awoke every nerve in my right leg was throbbing. In spite of the pain I dressed and made my way to the main barn. There was already a crowd of reporters milling around waiting for either Ben or myself to arrive. When they saw me limping up with my cane but no brace they descended like flies upon a carcass. I was fresh meat again. I noticed a few whose faces I recognized, including Kim Lawton from Galaxy Cup Weekly. She saw me looking and ran to me 

Sticking her recorder under my nose, she threw questions at me. “Why didn’t you tell anyone Lord Organa-Solo was the father? Why the charade with Armitage Hux? Did the lord’s family know?” 

I smiled politely and spoke to the assembled crowd with the skills Mitaka had taught me over the past ten years. “Yes, I always knew Ben Organa-Solo was my daughter’s biological father, but it wasn’t the correct time for us to be together. There were issues to be worked out. Armitage is and always will be someone I love very much. He took me in when I had nowhere else to go and nothing to my name but a big goofy stallion and the ability to ride. I owe much to Mr. Hux and Mr. Mitaka.” 

She persisted, “Does your daughter know?” 

“Oh yes Kim, she has always known who was her father, along with the reasons we were apart.” 

“Will you and Lord Organa-Solo be getting married?” 

I shot her down with a blank and somewhat bored expression. “Sure, if I bring the Greenway Cup back to Alderaan.” 

A ripple of laughter ran through those assembled. I went on, “Seriously, if we were going to marry, I would let you know first Kim. You’ve always been fair and unbiased about my riding.” 

“Is that a promise?” she pressed. 

“Yes, if anything important comes up, you have first rights.” 

Smiling again, I limped on past them and into the main barn. There stood my kids, all six of them. Loco, Myth and Manny were saddled for the day’s practice. “Alright, Finn on Loco, Rose on Myth and Paige on Manny; let’s head out shall we?” 

One of the stable boys brought out safe, reliable Doo for me to ride and I groaned inside as my right leg settled into the stirrups. It wasn’t my saddle; just the schooling saddle and Doo had a wide fat middle. It was hard to settle in at a walk, much less the canter I pushed the students into. I could see Ben’s face as his utility cart rounded the corner and it wasn’t pleased. 

Several hours later we returned. The riders were decided, much as I had predicted: Finn and Loco, Rose and Myth, and Paige on Manny. Each student rode some of the course and all seven agreed these were the best combinations. They rode ahead of me to the stables, my leg strength almost done. I should have known Ben would be waiting for me. 

“What do you think you are doing?” The serious tone in his voice was betrayed by the twinkles in his eyes. “It hasn’t been twenty-four hours since you got the all clear and you’re cantering already? Are you trying to kill yourself?” 

“No sir, but to decide the riders for the Greenway Cup I had to be mobile. A cart wouldn’t have worked. Besides, the pain in my leg is worse than any verbal lashing you can give me. There aren’t enough pain killers on this farm to help me tonight.” I slid down Doo’s side onto my left leg only. Limping badly I handed the reins to a stable boy and grabbed my cane from its hook. He must have felt pity for my pain as he cross the path to my side.

“Poor baby,” Ben murmured. “Let me take you home and into a hot bath tub.” He took my hand and helped me to his cart. I sat in the passenger seat while he drove us to the farmhouse. Carrying me up the front stairs, he stopped short of the threshold. “I’ll wait to cover this after the wedding. By the way, Hanna thinks it’s a wonderful idea. She and my mother have already started planning.” 

“Then I will call Hux and Mitaka tonight, but we have to swear them to secrecy. If Mitaka isn’t involved he’ll be crushed.” I sat down on the porch to remove my boots. Ben pulled the left off and then the right. Unfortunately, when he removed that boot, my damaged leg was swollen and bruised. Both of us were amazed. 

“Okay Rey, if this is what happens when you ride, then I forbid you to go to these extremes. I can go out with the three Cup riders to train. You can ride the Jeep out there and back.” Ben’s face was a mask of concern as he helped me to the tub. “Do you want to use a cane up to the aisle on our wedding day?” 

I eased my abused frame into the deep tub, filled with fragrant bubbles and lots of candles around the edge. He remembered a bottle of my favorite wine. Just as the stress in my thigh began to subside, I smelled dinner cooking. For a first night engaged dinner, my beloved was going all out to impress. Hanna was staying at the house to help with the wedding, so tonight was just us, talking and planning. 

The night was clear and we lay for a while wrapped in quilts on the double daybed on the back porch and watched the stars wheel overhead. The first hints of winter blew in swift breezes off the ocean, and soon I felt the tinges in my leg that signaled cold weather. I moved to release myself from Ben’s arms only to discover he was sound asleep. When pushed to unclasp me, he grumbled softly, “Can’t we just sleep here?” 

“No I can’t silly. The pin in my leg gets cold and aches. I need to go inside. You can stay here if you want.” I loosened myself from the blankets and stood up. 

“If you are going in them so am I.” He wrapped me up and carried me inside. As I slid under the covers, his hand grazed my calf. “Wow, it is colder to the touch.” 

“Thanks,” I groused. 

Once he slid into bed, Ben pulled me into the heat of his embrace. “I have a cure for that cold leg.” Again, his hand slid down my leg, giving me shivers for two reasons. “Shall I?” His breath in my ear and the headiness of his musky odor filled me with passion and longing. 

“You don’t have to ask permission anymore Ben, I already confessed I love you.” It was hard to talk with the confusion he created in me. 

His eyes were magical, drawing me into his arms and under his side. I wondered at the sense of the familiar that embraced us. This was home, ten years or a thousand, here was where I was meant to be. From this zone of comfort, I could heal and return, be again who I truly was not the driven bitch persona I had worn for a long time. Ben sighed and I chuckled at the realization he felt it too. 

“This has been a long time coming, hasn’t it my sweet love?” he murmured into my neck. 

“It seems like yesterday.” We smiled together.


	12. Preparations

Time flew all too soon for those preparing for the Greenway events. Once, long ago, the gathering celebrated successful harvests and one last fling before winter cut off the villages with snow and ice from the sea. No one recorded when the racing began, but there were mentions of them in Chandrila newspaper records dating back more than two hundred and fifty years. The accompanying fair and festival that came with the race brought quite a nice income to the local area and this year was a boom for the entire county. 

Rey Sands, as most knew me from childhood, was here for the first time in ten years, which meant Armitage Hux would be a judge for the Cup and the media circus which was my former employer’s world descended upon Alderaan as locust to a field, more than a week before the actual event. This year’s big story was me, and I was as unwilling a participant in the circus as I’d always been, only this time I didn’t have Mitaka to run interference. Ben tried, but as lord of Alderaan, he’s hands were tied. He had to be available to the press. 

All three of my riders qualified with non-spectacular times, just as instructed. Each horse came back sound and ready for the main event; all I truly wanted to accomplish. But the trials were covered by the press, and seeing a teenager upon the back of the most valuable stallion in Galaxy Cup competition the preceding spring and summer was news-worthy. People from Chandrila and further booked the hotel space for miles around and the event promised to be magnificent. 

My soon to be mother-in-law was deep in planning for the three events required from the lord of the lands and his family. First would be the Greenway Ball, held the night before the race at the country club, where our engagement would be announced. Then the Cup race itself with the following award dinner. And to top off the social holiday season, the traditional Organa-Solo Ball on New Year’s Eve, which this year would be our wedding. Lady Leia was in full out party mode and I was content to let her lead me through the upcoming official duties I would be subjected to as wife of Lord Benjamin. 

I arose every morning at three am to ride Manny and be back before my staff arrived and discovered my mutinous actions or worse, informed Ben. My leg still ached, but it was getting stronger. Ben suspected something was going on but he didn’t pry too much, he realized the pressure I was under from all directions, not to mention the high standards I always strove to achieve. The closer time came for the races, the more my stress level rose. 

The morning of the Ball I awoke at three but did not ride the big stud. Instead, Paige met me for a pre-race tradition instituted long ago with the Snowman, the beauty day. With his whitish-grey coat, the less time I gave him to mess up the happier we both were. Paige was learning that with Manny it was all about a deep connection that went beyond the saddle and bridle. Trust was key with the big baby. While I sat on the bench, she soaped and trimmed under my strict directions. I knew what he would tolerate and when to give him a moment. 

As the sun began to rise and we were finished up, Paige asked me in a quiet voice, “What is it like, riding on race day, out there on the Greenway?” 

I stared into the pool of my past life through the soapy water swirling away and thought back to the last Cup race I had ridden. I was seventeen. “There is a quiet on the Greenway that is hard to understand. The wind blows in from the sea with a hint of faraway lands, and the rhythm of the land falls under the steady beats of their hooves. The fog hugs the ground and you feel primeval moving in concert with your horse. At last you become one, the movement steady, always within the time yet timeless and eternal.” 

My other minions were gathering as I spoke, moving closer to hear, but not wanting to interrupt the memories flowing from a long overdue rupture in my heart’s defenses. “Most of the time you are alone, just the two of you, stretching the bounds of your existence. The sun rises and the fog burns away and the miles lay out and the fences alert you this is no accidental race across an empty plateau. And when at last you see the grandstands and know that you are right there on the button, you feel let down there aren’t more miles to run, more adventures to discover.” 

“So you keep running, keep chasing a freedom that comes riding from the Greenway. The landscapes change, and the courses change but that connection between you and your horse only grows stronger, until your thoughts become theirs and the movements become one. The answers come and you know – this is what you were meant to be.” 

The group was silent as they contemplated these statements. Smiling weakly I stood and led Manny back to his stall with no rope. As I shut his door, I finished with one last statement. “You will not have this connection with every animal, but when you find it, nurture it carefully. It may save your life one day.” Then I limped out and back to my bed. It was going to be a long day. 

Jaina took Hanna along with Hux and Mitaka to ride the carnival rides and Ben was busy begin Lord Organa-Solo, so I climbed in for a long nap. The dreams were of riding, all the long years of my childhood, between the sea and the land, the sand and grass blending together into a sponge for my falls. I saw every line and crease in the earth and sharp as a knife in the folds of my brain and then somewhere along the timeline, a storm began to move in off the sea, and the Greenway was bathed in sheets of water. I awoke with a groan. It was going to rain tomorrow. 

All too soon it was time to bathe and dress for the Ball. Ben would be at the farmhouse and makeup was not a skill I employed every day. Washing my long auburn curls I thought of the first time I had been allowed to attend the Ball. My father had taken me and we danced, twirling round and round the dance floor. Toweling off I remember watching my mother primping for her big night out. Thinking of her was hard, with the poison Snoke planted so firmly against her in my mind, especially tonight. 

My dress was cream silk with a sweetheart neck and long, tight sleeves. It reminded me of long ago glamour, and I swept my curls into an organized mess. There was a lovely blush to my cheeks, health and good loving, so I only added mascara. Lady Leia and Jaina were going to complain, but dressing up had never been my specialty. Whenever I went anywhere with Hux, his stylist provided my outfit and saw to it that the pictures came out well. She would be there for the wedding but tonight I was on my own. 

Ben opened the bedroom door and wolf whistled. “Well, well, well, so Rey Sands cleans up too! Will the many facets of this new personality ever stop revealing themselves to me?” He crossed over and grabbed my hand, kissing it passionately. “Tonight, starts our new chapter and I have something for you to remember the occasion.” 

He pulled out two jewelry boxes, one large and one small. Opening the larger first, he told me, “These belonged to my great-great grandmother, who apparently was also a redhead. Lord Bail Organa the first had them made just for her. Until tonight they have been residing in the family vault, waiting for our next ginger!” 

Inside was a choker of emeralds, set with diamonds and matching teardrop emerald earrings. My mouth fell open in the presence of such beauty. As he fastened the necklace, I put on the earrings. Looking in the mirror, I hardly recognized myself. He murmured into my ear, “Look how they accent the grey in your eyes.” 

“Ben, these are much too extravagant for me! I’m not…” I began. 

“Rey, I never want to hear you say that again. You are going to be Lady Rey Organa-Solo and you need to grow accustom to that fact. If you want to wear a ball gown to the grocery store, then you have my permission to do so. Never stop being who you are, that’s what I love. For I do love you Rey, don’t doubt that for a moment.” 

His kiss began slow but quickly warmed as he pulled me into his arms and I allowed myself to melt into his chest. I’ve loved this man most of my life and no one knows me like he, save for perhaps the combination of Hux and Mitaka. This was the beginning of our long postponed forever and I was impatient for the next phase of our life together. 

I wore my bedroom slippers on the short ride to the country club. Once there in the parking lot, I switched into the low heels Jaina found for the dress. But I did bring my cane in case my leg should decide it had had enough. Sometime one needs to elicit a little sympathy. Inside the music was lively and the wine already flowing when we got to the ballroom. Everything stopped for Lord Organa-Solo and his date to arrive. And Ben took that break to bring out the smaller box I had forgotten about in the excitement of the necklace. 

“Friends and guests, thank you so much for attending our little party tonight. The Organa-Solo family has hosted this fete since the days of the first Lord Organa and we are honored to have each one of you with us this evening. I know there are many excellent canapes and cocktails to enjoy, but if I could beg everyone’s pardon and allow me to take a break from our festivities for a personal moment. Rey, if you will indulge me…?” I nodded. The press swam in close for the photo op. “Rey, would you do me the honor of being my bride and letting me be Hanna’s father legally?” Flashbulbs popped all around as I managed to croak out one word. 

“Yes.” 

The ring was a large emerald surrounded by diamonds, matching all most perfectly the necklace set. When Ben slid it on my finger, I could feel the tingle of his touch run through my veins, a mixture of heat and ice thrilling my soul. When he kissed me, the crowd and the press and the cameras all disappeared in the single sensation of his lips on mine. 

As we turned around to face the crowd in the back of the room, I saw a familiar face and my blood ran cold. Blinking, when I looked again the man was gone and I wondered if all the medications were finally giving me hallucinations. 

Albert Snoke was in that room, somewhere, accompanied by his bitch granddaughter, Bazine. 

The moment passed, and I was surrounded by old friends and neighbors all wanting to wish us congratulations and comment on our past relationship. The dream from so many years ago flitted briefly through my mind as I realized soon most of these people would be my subjects. 

The remainder of the night was a blur. We ate and danced and still managed to get away at a normal time. The alarm wasn’t set for three am this night. Tonight I would sleep until seven am, load the trailer to drive Loco, Myth, and Manny to the starting line at the country club. Ben’s skin against my own felt like the peace I’d been search for since that long-ago night. 

Fortunately, I didn't dream.


	13. Race Day

When the alarm went off at seven, Ben smashed his hand against the offending clock and groaned. Pulling me closer he placed small hot kisses along my neck before he sighed loudly then stomped out of bed and into the shower. I lay still for a few minutes longer, staring at the unfamiliar ring on my left hand. As I was contemplating my plan of attack for the day, the phone rang. I should have known it would be Hux. 

“Good morning beautiful!” he trilled in that sensual baritone. “Are you ready to drag the ponies from their stalls?” 

“Hux, you are entirely too chipper this early in the day. I haven’t even had my coffee yet.” 

“Well Miss Dance-the-Night-Away, while you have been sleeping, I had coffee and rolls delivered to the farmhouse and setup in the kitchen. Dex will be arriving soon to pick up the horses and whatever else needs to be taken to the Country Club. Now jump up and get your caffeine Rey! We have a race to win!” When he hung up, I grabbed my robe and padded into the kitchen. When I returned with my coffee, Ben was shaving. 

“Is there more of that coffee?” he asked without looking up from the mirror. 

“Yes, Hux set it up for us. How do you drink yours?” 

“White, no sugar. Are you going to shower?” 

“No, I need to get to the barns. Besides I would rather shower tonight after I’ve sweated through the day.” I grabbed pants, a turtle neck sweater and tweed jacket. Then I heard the first rumble of thunder. The storm my dreams foretold was blowing in from the sea. I looked at Ben, panic settling into my stomach with eerie familiarity. “Not rain,” I protested. 

Ben grimaced and nodded. “Hurry, they’ll need your experience.” 

Rain on the Greenway came in two forms: the light, constant mist which chilled and wormed its way into the clothes and skin and the other, fierce driven sheets of water that blinded the eyes of man and beast and turned the footing into a deadly combination of slick mud and moss. The jumps became more than obstacles, they were life and death in the blink of an eye. Many good horses were buried along the Greenway, put down after suffering bone-twisting injuries on the debilitating ground. 

Dressing as I hobbled out the door, Dex pulled the horse van into the stud barn courtyard. I grabbed Ben’s cart and drove quickly to meet up with him. The kids were already there loading the tack and supplies. Myth was in the wash rack, her eyes wide over the thunder and the three stallions trumpeting loudly with each clap. 

“Rose, get Myth into the trailer. The less time she spends in here with the boys the better. Finn, Loco is in the spare stall on the other side. Get him here and get going before the gale really hits. Let’s go!” I grabbed Manny’s travel halter and rope to get him ready. But I also pulled out two round balls of foam, earplugs for the might grey – he hated thunder. Placing them into his ears the screams stopped and quickly we were in the trailer and riding to Alderaan Country Club. 

As we arrived, the scene was chaotic. Horses and trainers and riders all milling under the covered arena while the judges inspected the course. I don’t know why they went to the effort; a Greenway race had never been cancelled. Dex and the children unloaded and set up while I limped to the registrar for check-in and start times. Leaving the table, I was stopped by Jyn Erso. 

She placed her hand on my arm, “Can I speak with you for a moment?” 

I hesitated and she saw my glance toward the trailer. “I won’t take long,” she added. 

“Sure Mrs. Erso, what can I do for you?” 

“Cassian would be furious if he knew I approached you like this; he thinks there is another way. But I knew your mother and knew if I just asked you would say yes.” There was desperation in her eyes that I didn’t understand. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Jyn glanced around and then the words began pouring out, like the rain pelting the ground. “We don’t have many horses anymore Rey, most of our land is growing hay for your barn and others. But there is one mare, good bloodlines and excellent in the field. If we could breed her to Snowman, I know Cassian could train a champion. However, with our limited financial situation right now, there is no way we can afford his stud fee.” 

“I’m asking you directly Rey, rather than going through Lord Benjamin or Armitage because I’m hoping to save my husband and my farm. In return there is very little I can offer you, except one thing.” 

“What’s that?” I asked, my curiosity rising. 

“First things first, will you breed my mare?” Her hand tightened on my arm. 

“Of course I will no problems. Just bring her by after the first of the year when she comes into season, on a weekend, and it will be taken care of.” 

Jyn’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, strange in the eyes of so strong a woman. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for this and now, here is my part of the deal. The car that ran your parents off the road was supposedly never found but that doesn’t mean the police didn’t know anything about it.” 

The air was suddenly very heavy. I leaned on my cane and stared at her in disbelief. There was information I hadn’t known about that had been kept secret for twelve years? “What about the car?” 

“The car was a special model, only a few like it were sold in this part of the country. It was a very expensive sports car, not many people along the Greenway could afford a vehicle that cost so much.” The implications behind her words rocked me to the core. 

“Are you saying Sir Han or Snoke ran my parents off the road?” I hissed because I could not get enough air to scream. 

She stiffened as Ben appeared on the edge of the crowd, working his way toward us. “All I am saying is, who else would have had the money for such a car and the power to make the evidence disappear?” Glancing at Ben’s face she spoke more openly, “Well, I’m sure this will be an interesting day, don’t you think Rey?” 

“Y-yes-s” I stammered as she strode into the crowd. Ben slipped his arm around my waist and began walking me to Alderaan’s trailer. Luckily he asked no questions as to my conversation with Jyn, which was a good thing. My mind wasn’t working as well as could be, thanks to her information. Sir Han. What was his motive? More importantly, what use could I make of this revelation? 

By the time Finn set off onto the course, the first of the trio to begin, my mind forced Jyn’s information to a back corner. Besides, if Ben’s father killed my parents, then more than likely it has been as a result of his drinking. Chances were the old man never remembered hitting their car. I would no longer let my anger at Sir Han interfere with my relationship with his son. 

The day grew long as one by one the bedraggled horses and riders stumbled across the muddy spot on the Greenway, which marked the finish line. Only the banner spanning from tree to tree identified the place, the grass was a sea of mud and muck much like the rest of the course. The times were slow; no records would be set this year that was for sure. 

Soon I noticed a grey speck on the horizon, growing closer with each pound of black hoof against the mud. Manny was home, and he was ready to show the locals why he was named Galaxy Cup Horse of the Year several times including this previous year. Paige clung to his back like a drowned rat. It wasn’t the fastest he had done in this race, but his time would win him the Greenway Cup for the third time. When he crossed the muddy finish, the mighty stud looked calm and professional. One might have thought he was fresh from his stall, not struggling through a gale for more than eight miles. 

Soon others began struggling across the finish, including Rose and Myth. Then I began to worry. No one had seen Finn and Loco for more than three miles. He left from the starting point more than three hours ago and now he was nowhere to be found. I was frantic with worry. The Greenway was treacherous to any who didn’t know the safe places to ride out storms. Along with other preparations, I showed the kids some of the more accessible dry saves alongside the course, limestone caverns carved out by the sea and miners long ago. The entire cliff of the middle Greenway was riddled with them, a few large enough for a horse to enter without fear. 

Walking through the mire to the judges’ table, I heard them putting together a search party for Finn and another young rider from Poe Dameron’s barn. I barged to the front. 

“I want to go out looking for my rider,” I demanded of the head judge, a firm but funny local named Richard Betts. 

“But Miss Rey, you’re in no condition to ride,” was the only response Richie could come up with. 

Snorting my frustration at the ineptitude of these men, I grabbed Manny’s lead rope from Paige. I retightened his girth and grabbed a helmet from the startled teenager’s hands. Once mounted, I set the stirrup length for comfort and gathered the reins preparing to take off. 

“Wait!” Ben’s cry stopped me before I could urge the waiting stallion into a full out run. “I’m going with you.” 

Taking Myth from Rose, he settled himself into the saddle. “Lead on Rey, you know this course and the surrounding land better than anyone in the county.” 

With a quick smile of gratitude I squeezed Manny and away we went. The rain was now falling in a steady sheet, making visibility difficult. Fear tasted bitter in my mouth as I searched my thoughts frantically, wondering where the hell they could be holed up?


	14. Lost and Found

My best guess was Loco had lived up to his name and lost his cool just past the in and out dell. If you stayed in the trough of the valley another 50 feet, there was a broad path that led into a grotto of ancient oak trees. They concealed the entrance to a vast limestone dry cave, wide enough to drive a car into and high enough for a rider to enter without dismounting. If Finn had any control over the high-strung gelding that would be the best place to shelter. 

Straining to see the cutoff while approaching from the wrong side, I prayed fervently we were headed for the right place. There were hundreds of trails off the main Greenway and there was no way Ben and I could check them all before exposure began to take its toll. 

Despite having run this race once today already, Manny was moving comfortably under my legs. While I still could not grip tight with the self-healing right leg, Manny was learning to work with other queues such as neck reins. I glanced around and saw Ben sitting a little stiff on Myth and I had to laugh. For someone who grew up on horseback just as I, his discomfort was humorous. 

The spray of water and mud from the flying hooves covered all of us. Every few seconds I wiped my face so I could see. After what seemed an eternity we spotted the break in the trees we were looking for. I slowed Manny down to a walk, Myth doing the same. 

Ben yelled over the rain and wind. “Is this what you’re looking for?” 

I nodded the affirmative and we slid down the path into the dell and began making our way to the grove of oaks. When I spotted them, I also caught a glimpse of a red ribbon, which had come from Loco’s tail. Finn left a sign. 

We hurried into the cave, using the flashlights the rescue squad provided everyone in the search party. Sure enough, far in, near the rock slide wall stood Loco, looking miserably wet and Finn, covered in rock dust. 

“Finn! Are you hurt? Is Loco okay?” My words tumbled out as I dismounted and hugged the soggy teenager. “What happened?” 

Finn hung his head, hoping I wouldn’t see the embarrassment in his eyes. “Loco threw me. I got back on, and he decided the entire sea was coming after him. Lucky, I remembered you riding us down here earlier this week.” 

“What did you say?” Ben’s radar went off but the damage was already done, the words said in front of him. 

Glancing in my direction to say how sorry he was, Finn explained in full how he got to safety. “Miss Rey spent time this week showing us certain short cuts and safe places to hole up in case this type of weather came in. With Loco and how he feels about weather, and Paige not knowing how Manny would react, we all decided it was smart to pick Miss Rey’s brain.” 

I looked around the cave to see how much it changed in ten years. There was more graffiti than I remembered, and someone had brought in firestones to make a real fireplace; other than that it was the same as I remembered. Then I noticed the rock slide was gone. 

“Finn,” I queried, “was this rock moved when you got here or were you exploring?” 

“No Miss Rey, it was already gone.” 

I glanced at the thunder storm that comprised Ben’s face. “Ben, have you ever been in this cave?” 

“No, of course not, how would anyone find this? And what’s this information about you riding on the Greenway?” The curiosity in his eyes was winning over the anger. 

“I’ve been practicing a little more than I might have let on to you and the rest of the family. I’m sorry, but I’ve been riding since I could walk, I had to get back on Manny. It was healing, whether you understand or not. Now, are we going to explore this cave?” The expression on my face was priceless, Ben and Finn both burst into laughter. 

“As you wish,” Ben responded, grabbing my hand. “Let’s go see what the back of this hole is storing.” 

I started to lead the procession, but Ben pulled me back. “Ladies second, after I make sure you can walk through here okay?” 

Rather than protest I shrugged and followed. The opening was made by hand. Someone had removed the rocks and shored up a small passageway into the rear. The three of us managed to squeeze through into another cavern with a sandy floor and high smooth limestone ceiling. Ben and I flashed the lights around, looking for anything. Suddenly both of our lights caught the gleam of metal in a far corner. 

Ben advanced, sweeping the bright white beam across in front to make sure he didn’t trip over anything. I followed behind, curious how anything metal survived this close to the sea. The cavern must not have any opening to the sea or oxidation would have set in. 

Ben stopped. “Rey, stay where you are.” The tone of his voice bode no disobedience. 

“What’s wrong?” I called to him. 

“Nothing, just stay with Finn.” 

Confused by his reticence, I made my way to his side. Ben turned to stop me, but not before I caught a glimpse of what he was trying to hide from me. 

There, hidden in the back of a remote cave, covered with the dust and wear of years of neglect, was the wreckage of a car. The car that killed my parents. 

“No,” I managed to whisper before sliding into Ben’s arm and bursting into tears. 

* * * * 

The media circus was intense. The police closed the roads to keep out the mobs of reporters and gawkers gathered to see the death car pulled from its hiding place deep in the cliffs. The police readily determined this was the car, which ran my parents off the road twelve years previous. Soon they would know to whom the car was registered and all my pain would begin anew. 

Ben took me back to the farmhouse and put me to bed. I felt nauseous and slightly removed from the entire situation. Curled into a tight ball, the pain of their death seemed as fresh as the light coating of snow now dusting the Greenway and I could hear people coming and going from the kitchen, but I didn’t care. Inside I was numb to everything. Hanna was at the manor house, safely tucked away from prying eyes, but outside my gates the circus was setup in earnest. 

Hux and Mitaka were bustling around, managing the requests for interviews and running interference just as they had when I still worked with them. Every magazine and news organization all the way from the Greenway to Chandrila wanted my comments on the find. I wanted to speak with no one, except Jyn Erso, and she wasn’t about to come around with the reporters piled three deep in the yard. 

Princess Leia was in seclusion. Just like me, she knew the owner of the vehicle. My question was, did she know if Han killed them or was it Snoke? Had she been in the car as well, that night returning from the country club to Alderaan? How deep into my beloved Ben’s family did this secret penetrate? 

Too many questions kept me awake, even though Dr. Kalonia pumped me full of knock-out drugs. After hours of tossing with no hope of sleep, I abandoned all pretense of rest and limped into the living room. The television was on, the volume low as the reporters stood in front of the manor and regurgitated every speck of news and speculation they could come across. From the kitchen came the sounds of men arguing. I headed that way to see what was going on. 

The sheriff, a crusty gentleman by the name of Roger Whittier, was talking. “Ben, I know you want to protect her, but she should know the car was owned by Han. It was her parents, for kriff’s sake.” 

The pain in Ben’s voice sprang tears to my eyes. “She just got over my father’s betrayal to her by backing Snoke’s treatment of her over me. How am I supposed to tell her his was the vehicle that killed her mom and dad? She’ll pull away, and I don’t think I can lose her a second time.” 

Hux broke in. “Don’t underestimate her Ben. Rey has done a great job these past months of separating you and your father. She no longer blames you for his actions. And it isn’t like you knew anything about it. Besides, do we know if Han was driving or if it was Snoke? Did your father ever let Snoke drive?” 

“Well, not that I know of.” Ben stumbled. “I didn't know directly much of anything happening in Alderaan once I went away at school. When I asked where the car was, Father just touched the side of his nose and told me it was ‘stolen’. I had no idea about the cave, or that his was the car everyone was looking for. By the time I got home, it was the day of the funeral and all anyone was concerned with was making sure Rey was well taken care of and not alone.” 

“What are you afraid of Ben?” Mitaka’s voice was kind, a first for the stoic Norseman. “What’s the worst that could happen should it prove that Han was driving, not Snoke?” 

“Rey will take Hanna and leave, break our family apart again because of my father.” 

Something in the way he said the words smacked me with the truth of the matter. If Ben knew nothing about the car, someone in the family did and until I had the truth, I needed space from this house of painful memories. A car that rare and expensive didn’t disappear without someone, somewhere knowing the truth. Who was Han’s accomplice? 

Sneaking back to my bedroom, I threw some clothes into a suitcase and debated how I could get out unnoticed. I opened the door and slid down the hallway to my daughter’s room. The windows there were out of the sight of the front yard and I could easily sneak down to the stud barn. Staying in the groom’s apartment was starting to sound better than waiting around here. 

Out the window I slid, then crept silently through the vegetation until I reached the barn. Once inside the apartment I barricaded myself in. Ben would be missing me soon. But until I knew for sure who killed my parents, I trusted none of the Organa-Solos.


	15. Fever Dreams

It took seven hours for Ben to find me. Seven hours I spent trying to figure out what to do next. With this development, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if I packed up and returned to Chandrila. How could I be expected to work for the family who killed my parents? It no longer mattered who was driving, in my fevered brain all of them were guilty. 

When he burst through the apartment door like a maddened wolf, I was lying on the bed, bathed in sweat. The ride through the November icy rain had done its worst; I was burning with fever and delirious; the injured leg was freezing from the chill that settled into my limbs and I was mumbling in delirium. Gathering me in his arms, Ben called for an ambulance. I have vague memories of riding to the hospital, Ben holding my hand and imploring me to stay with him. 

When I saw him again, three days had passed since leaving the farmhouse. In my feverish state, I spoke with both my parents and also engaged in quite a spirited conversation with Manny over the tightness of his girth. At last the fever broke and I began to get well. But that also meant having to deal with Ben and his family. 

The television was taken out of my room, and no one was allowed to bring newspapers or magazines around me. Ben was trying to keep me from losing what little sanity I still possessed. Stories were running on every channel, rumors and fact blending together in that strange manner they tended toward when famous people are involved in crimes. 

I heard nurses say the registration of the car was released to the public. Knowing that Han Solo owned the vehicle sent the gossips into overdrive. It was told there were four sets of fingerprints preserved on the doors and steering wheel. One belonged to Han, another were Leia’s. The third set was my father’s, and were only found on the driver’s side. The name of the fourth was being withheld. The police would not confirm or deny who was in the car that night. 

Ben was patient and supportive. He ran away the first time Han ruined my life; he wasn’t going to leave for the second. Jaina and Leia stayed away with Hanna. I never let my life, or Hux’ interfere into her world before, and exposing her to the cruel petty reality of people hurt my heart. I feared she would soon lose her sunny optimism. 

Did I think Leia drove the car? I didn’t think so. After hearing how averse she was to her husband’s drinking, I couldn’t picture her driving drunk herself. Unless she was a better actress than I ever gave credit. But then why wouldn’t they announce the owner of the fourth set of fingerprints? Unless it was someone else well known in the area, like Snoke. 

Four days after I entered through the emergency room, I left in Hux’ limo. Ben sat beside me, but his face was stone. I knew the sheriff had been questioning people, and assumed his scowling visage was from that unpleasantness. At the time of their death, Ben was nineteen and away at university. What could he have possibly known about the evening? 

I was still waiting for Sheriff Whittier to question me about the night. I had been in Chandrila for an event, gone for the entire weekend with dozens of witnesses. But even back at the farmhouse he didn’t come to visit. Jaina told me it was because he felt guilty for not chasing down harder the rumors of the special vehicle and who it belonged to. I didn’t hold anything against him, at the time who would have believed the lord of the county capable of such a thing? 

But I did. 

Each night Ben came home to the farmhouse and each night I stayed awake long after I heard his deep breathing; staring at the ceiling praying for guidance. Every day I stared out into the pastures, wrapped in a blanket and unable to get warm. I drove myself mad trying to know the truth of what happened that night. 

In light of the circumstances, it was decided to cancel the New Year’s wedding. Instead, the entire community was invited to come over to the manor house and enjoy a cup of wassail and mince pies. Ben presented Hanna, for which I made a token appearance. Then I slipped quietly back to my self-imposed farmhouse prison and took a lot of pain medication. Falling asleep seemed the best course. 

Ben came home in the wee hours of the morning. As he slipped into bed, I opened one bleary eye in condemnation of the hour. His arms enveloped me and I breathed deep of that special musk which was all his. He was warm, so much warmer than I, and despite my bruised heart I melted against his bare skin. 

“This should have been our wedding night.” I whispered to his chest. 

“I know,” he whispered before gently kissing me. His hand slid down to my waist, pulling me against him. “I’m just glad you’re still here.” 

“I can tell.” 

He bit my lip then rolled me to my back. His teeth grazed across my nipples and I inhaled sharply with the fire which raced through my veins. My nails raked his back, and he growled with appreciation. Ben slid his hands down, and I maneuvered the leg brace to accommodate him, Flames of lust raged and blinded me. I needed him now more than ever, and I made sure he knew that need. 

When the sun rose on a new year, with Ben’s arms around me I celebrated and mourned the occasion.


	16. Forward Motions

The investigation continued. When Sheriff Whittier interviewed me, I tried to ask him how things were going, which he shrugged off. “Too soon to know anything” was all he said. Frustration was driving me crazy. Tired of me stalking around the house, Ben suggested we go for a ride to break the monotony. 

“You actually want me to ride?” The look on my face made him laugh, again. 

“Yes beautiful woman, anything is better than watching you limp around the kitchen. Grab a jacket and let’s go.” Holding the door for me we left the farmhouse and headed for Manny’s stall. I would tack the beast and then load both of us onto Manny and get Doo from the gelding stable near the mares. 

A light snow was falling as we walked down the lane to the stallion barn. Brushing and tacking Manny, we laughed and joked. Doo was not too happy about being taken from his warm stall for a frozen wasteland, but once we adjusted the riding blankets both boys let us take them along the road leading to the Greenway. 

For an hour or more we walked the old paths of our childhood, talking sometimes, mostly enjoying the companionship of silence. The huff of the horses’ breath as we wandered in the frigid air made puffs of smoke that brought icy beards to their muzzles. The air was tangy, the scent of salt from the ocean lowering the already falling temperatures. Soon, however, the cold seeped inside my bad leg and we turned for home. 

The sun was falling behind the clouds in the west as we returned to the gelding’s stable. It was Sunday, the stable hand’s day off. We untacked both, leaving Manny inside a spare stall with the gelding rather than take him directly back to the other side of the farm. The snow was falling heavier now, covering our tracks from the ride. We stood hand in hand in the barn doorway, listening to the strange quiet that comes with a winter snowfall. 

Suddenly behind us came a disturbance in the mare barn. All the girls were inside, pregnant or not. Too dangerous to remain out in the storm. Ben took off in a hurry, with me limping as fast as I could without my cane for assistance. Once inside the problem presented itself immediately. 

Giselle was in labor, at least a month too soon. As a first-time mother, she was already in distress, unsure of what was wrong, heaving and wild with fear when we entered her stall. Ben calmed the frightened mare enough to get a halter and lead rope on so we could move her to a birthing stall. Twice the size of a normal stall and fitted with cameras, thick hay, and secured against the wind and snow, Giselle soon settled down especially with us there. 

“It’s going to be a long night,” Ben commented. “From what I can tell she’s only in the earliest stages of labor. This foal might not come for two days. Why don’t you go up to the manor house? I’ll call you if anything happens.” 

“No way!” I declared. “This is Manny’s first foal. I’m not leaving her alone.” 

“Then I’ll make sure the groom’s room has some food and water. We can stay here. Go call up to the house and let them know where we are.” He left and I hurried to Giselle’s side. With only a touch she stood to be comforted. 

“It’s all right Gee; I’ll be here with you until the baby comes. And Manny is just one barn away. Having a baby isn’t hard, just tiring. So I’m going to fix you oatmeal with herbs and some nice hay. If you have your strength it will be easier.” The mare nickered softly to confirm her understanding. 

Ben returned just as I finished up with Giselle. We settled down on small cushions to watch and wait. Outside the storm raged strong and fierce; January storms come straight off the sea. Grey and rolling the clouds drop their winter fury hardest on the coast. But even at Alderaan, several miles inland the rage was unabated. 

“Do you think my mother knew Dad’s car was the one involved?” 

“I don’t know Ben,” I answered as gently as I could. “What do you think?” 

“I think my dad was drunk and hit your parents then panicked like the coward he was and asked Snoke to help hide the car.” The tightness of his jaw was painful to look at. He didn’t know what to think anymore. I knew how he felt. “But would Mother have allowed him to get away with murder? I know she loved him, and he worshiped her. But I wasn’t here; I don’t know what their relationship was at that time. Snoke however, he would have sold the farm if it brought him more money, more power. He wasn’t above twisting Han into his puppet when it suited him.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Ben stared at the restless mare, now full and trying to doze in the far corner. Every once in a while, you could see the movement in her belly of legs stretching and shaping for birth. “Has anyone told you who the other set of prints belonged to?” 

“No,” I confessed. “They keep avoiding the subject.” 

“They belonged to Jyn Erso.” He waited for the news to sink in. 

Jyn Erso, who just a few weeks previous had gotten my guarantee for a foal from my stud and who told me about the car, had at one time or another been inside the cursed vehicle. Part of my stomach rolled in nausea. The other felt insatiably curious. Why and when had she been there? 

“Did he say what she gave as a reason for having been in the car?” 

“No, she refused to answer any questions without her attorney. Guess who that is?” 

“Who?” 

“Poe Dameron. They have an appointment set with the sheriff Tuesday at nine o’clock am. Whittier asked if I wanted to be there.” Ben kept his face neutral. 

I sat in silence for a long time. This was a difficult position for both of us; each has a vested interest in how this played out, but to sit in a room and know somewhere along the line damaging information about your parents might come out; would I want to be there? What was the worst thing Jyn could reveal – that Han killed my parents? Or Snoke? I already guessed that. What could be worse? 

Giselle wandered in aimless circles around the large rectangular stall, stopping occasionally to bit at her flank or to snort hot breath over the two of us camped out on her floor. The cold began to seep into my calf, the plate and pins colder inside my leg than my heart the morning after my parent’s death. But this time, Ben sensed my discomfort. 

“Here, sit on my lap,” he commanded, as I groaned at the pain in my butt. “Or we can drag the mattress off the bed in the apartment?” 

“Mattress, please?” 

Within a few minutes we were lying under the soft wool blankets on the mattress. Safe within his arms we awaited the first of the new generation of Alderaan true bloods. We talked about a lot of nothing. How thick the snow was falling, whether we liked coffee or tea for breakfast – anything but the elephant sitting in the barn with us. But that was okay; we had all of our lives together ahead of us. This time we would fight Han’s last betrayal two as one. 

I don’t know when we fell asleep, but as the thin pale light of morning began to seep into the snug barn, Giselle began her final stages of labor. I sensed her go down. Opening my eyes, I nudged Ben. He rolled over and pulled my back against his chest. Eyes wide, but poised to assist if needed, we lay together in silence watching the mare give birth. 

The placenta appeared, pushed out by the front hooves and nose. Once the head passed, the shoulders worked their way forward. Soon the back and hind legs slid out as the sack began to rip. Once the foal was free of his mother, Giselle stood and moved away to inspect this new creature struggling to freedom on her floor. 

Soon as the foal was free of the placenta Giselle began to lick him with her tongue; learning the scent of her newborn to distinguish from any other. Within moments his head popped up, dark grey in its new wet state. Another gray, perhaps white, colt for Alderaan; that made five generations of grey stallions. Looking around, blinking his eyes I was sucked in just as I had been with his father. 

I sat up, not wanting to frighten either. I limped to the attentive mother. “You did well,” I murmured into her ears. Giselle hugged with her nose then returned to her baby. His coat was almost clean from Mother’s attention and the foal was beginning to give serious consideration to standing. Ben joined me as the long legs attached to his tiny body rocked back and forth, to and fro, looking for the perfect combination required to stand. At last he made it up, only to be knocked over by his mother’s licking. 

Laughing I grabbed Ben’s arm. “What shall we call him?” I questioned as the baby rocked up again, this time managing to stay upright. Balancing on those four spindles called legs, the newborn blinked with surprise at his own success. 

Ben studied the ever-lightening coat, the color of white and black mingling into a light charcoal. “How about January Frost?” 

“I like it and Frosty for a barn name.” 

“Perfect, just like his breeder,” Ben kissed my hand. “Rey, come here.” He pulled toward him, took both my hands in his and ordered, “Look at me!” 

“What’s wrong?” I asked. 

“Rey Sands, will you be my wife, to have and to hold, to care for our family and our animals, in sickness or health, for rich or poor, through all the shit that happened before, for the rest of our lives and then some?” The seriousness in his eyes lit my soul and reminded me of what I loved about Ben in the first place: his commitment to family and Alderaan. Our hearts were identical. 

“Benjamin Organa-Solo, will you be my husband, and a father to our daughter and trainer of our horses, in sickness or health, no matter how many times I exasperate you, for now and forever, in this life and the next?” Tears were wetting my eyelids, cold in the early morning chill of the stable. 

“I think we both do,” he answered with tenderness. “Now, I consider us married. Hanna is our second child together. Manny was the first. Now Frosty is the third. I think we need another human to even up the teams. What do you think Mrs. Organa-Solo?” 

“I like the sound of that. I like the idea of another child. But let’s take care of this one first.” We cleaned up the mare and stall, and then tried to leave for home. That’s when we discovered the whiteout conditions raging outside. The storm was raging unabated and the snow rapidly piling up between us and either house. 

Looking at each other, we sighed and returned to the barn. Ben phoned the good news up to the house while I fed the mares. Then we took the connecting route through an indoor arena to the geldings and fed them. 

“Ben what about the other stallions? There’s no one on that side to feed them?” Brushing my now bushy hair aside I frowned at the thought of having to take the zip line through the snow with my leg. 

“I’ll go feed them,” he volunteered. “All I have to do is follow the zip line to the pastures then in through the back door. Ten minutes there and back, I should be gone forty-five minutes or less.” 

“We could go together?” 

“Your leg would freeze. Just stay with the baby and I’ll be back before you know it.” He kissed me, a hint of passion to clue me in on how the afternoon would pass, cut off from the cares of the outside world. 

“Okay.” I relented. “But take care; if anything happens to you I’ll be really hacked off.” 

With a laugh he clipped a set of reins onto the line and to his belt then set off for the last barn. I was left alone with my thoughts. Watching the curious, shaky colt stumble around to find his mother’s milk, I thought about being a family with Ben, a real family, all living in one house with a real marriage. Another child would make thing perfect, a little boy to tramp around after his father, another generation for the family Bible. I smiled to myself thinking of a small, curly haired little one kissing noses and plucking flowers. 

Just when I began to think Ben was overdue, I heard the front door open. Rushing from Giselle’s stall, I started gabbing at once. “Ben I just had the most incredible daydream.” I stopped short when I saw who was in the barn. 

It wasn’t Ben. 

It was Jyn Erso.


	17. Bleeding

She was wearing a white snowsuit, making her almost indistinguishable from the actual snowfall in the door behind her. But what caught my attention was the handgun she pointed at my head. There was no sign of Ben. 

“Jyn, what are you doing?” I tried to keep the fear out of my voice. 

She approached me slowly, keeping the muzzle pointed at me. “You just had to come back here, start everyone talking about that wreck. When Han died, I hoped the crime would die with him, but no – here it all comes again. How the hell did you find that car? Snoke and Han blocked up the only entrance. How could you know it was down there?” 

“I didn’t.” I managed to talk despite the large bubble of fear in my chest. “I used the cave when I was a teenager to hang out during bad weather out on the Greenway. But when I used it there was a rock slide, which blocked any deep access to the rest of the cave. It’s gone now.” 

She nodded, more to herself than me. “About three years ago the government came and surveyed those caves to see if they were worth opening up again. They must have moved the rocks.” 

“But wouldn’t they have seen the car then?” I needed to keep her talking, keep her sane. My life depended on it. 

“I don’t know.” Jyn confessed. 

A new voice came from across the barn. “I had it removed, to see the proof for myself.” 

Through the door came Leia, carrying her own gun, a shotgun from the main office. Jyn stepped back, no longer focused on me; content to refocus her rage on Leia. “Why would you do that? Han never told you…” 

“You don’t know what my husband told me, what the guilt on his soul caused him to tell me!” Lightning flashed in her eyes, Ben’s eyes, it dawned on me. “Oh yes, Jyn, I knew about your sordid affair with my husband. Every ghastly nauseous, infuriating detail, he told it all.” 

For the first time I saw doubt in Jyn’s eyes. Maybe I wasn’t to blame for the truth coming out. “Leia, will someone please tell me what the hell is going on and who killed my parents?” 

Leia stepped into the barn proper, “Jyn and Han were having an affair, had been off and on for many years. They were big drinking buddies, and when both were drunk enough, they would hook up. But Han wanted to break it off. Not necessarily because he was coming back to me. Oh no, I kicked his cheating ass out of my bed when Jaina was young. Han had a new target, or thought he did.” 

I wasn’t sure I wanted this next answer, but knew it had to be asked. “Who was his new target?” 

Leia looked at me for an instant, sorrow and pain in her eyes before returning them to monitor her nemesis. “Your mother Alise,” the word twisted out with a visceral wrench. “Alise Kenyon was my closest friend when we were growing up. Her parents ran the farm now owned by the Damerons until your grandfather died young and she moved here to work in the manor.” 

“Han grew up in Corellia, down the Greenway near the harbor. I knew of him only through the public acquaintance of our families. After the war, he returned home with a mate from his squadron, your father. I met them at the country club, at a party thrown for returning servicemen. Han was tall, masculine, and acceptable to my parents. Your father, Daniel Sands was the most handsome man I had ever seen.” 

“Daniel was quiet, musically inclined, and a dreamer. He could whisper to a horse and make the beast dance a waltz if he set his mind to it. Alise took one look at him and fell head over heels in love.” 

I broke in, judging my comments on her facial expressions. “You loved him, too, didn’t you?” 

“With all my soul,” she whispered the pain of remembering harsh in the throat. “And he loved me, passionately. Unfortunately, we both knew what we had to do. My father would never allow his only daughter to marry a dreamer. So, Danny and I set our feelings aside and did the honorable thing. He married Alise, and I married Han. But I never stopped loving your father.” 

Jyn broke in. “Han knew he was your second choice. That’s what drove him to me. You weren’t capable of loving anyone who wasn’t Daniel.” 

“No, you take that back Jyn!” The lightning flashed again, harder than previous. Outside I thought I heard someone, but if so, they were taking care to minimize their approach. “I tried to love Han, did love him in my own way. But he was never faithful, and you are a fool to think he would have left me to marry you. Don’t forget this is my family home, not his. If we divorced, he would have been penniless. Han knew on which side his bread was buttered. You were just one in a long string of women.” 

“Han was the father of my children, and we had a good life together. I knew about his women, and he kept his indiscretions quiet. It was a good relationship until he decided to go after a woman who didn’t want to throw herself at his feet.” 

Jyn snarled in anger. Leia went on, ignoring Jyn’s anger to give me the truth I needed to heal. “Han convinced himself one night in a drunken stupor that Alise was flirting with him. He began a campaign to make her another notch in his belt. But he didn’t count on Alise’s deep feelings for Daniel.” 

“I heard them arguing in the library. Han tried to kiss Alise, and she slapped his face. Then I heard him call my oldest and dearest friend all sorts of foul names, ridiculing her for her faithfulness to Daniel when he was still in love with me. Alise was crushed, and confronted me after Han left for the evening.” 

Leia’s eyes misted as she remembered that last conversation with my mother. “Neither Dan nor I lied about our previous feelings, but we also made it plain that nothing ever happened between us after Daniel and your mother married. By the time they left for dinner at the country club that night, everything was fine. But Han was plotting his revenge.” 

Jyn spoke up, her eyes imploring mine to keep Leia away. “Han picked me up from the house, drunk as usual, swearing we were going to the club to drink and dance. But when we got there, he saw Daniel’s car and the whole circus started anew.” 

“We managed to avoid a big scene at the country club, but when Dan and Alise rose to leave, Han cut them off by the door. I don’t know what they said to each other, but Dan’s face was beet red and Alise had to drag him away.” Jyn bit her lip, wondering whether she should continue or not. 

Leia’s face hardened as she walked up to Jyn Jacob’s. Leveling the gun at the woman’s heart, she demanded. “What happened after Daniel and Alise left?” 

Jyn shook her head, unwilling to speak but Leia pulled back the hammer on the shotgun. “Tell me Jyn, or tell God; right now I think He might think better of you than I do!” 

I saw a shadow creep along the back wall, well out of sight of the two women. Fervently I prayed it was Ben, but I couldn’t be sure. 

Jyn swallowed, hard, judging her chances of defeating both Leia and myself. I would at last know the truth about my parents’ death. After a long pause, she began speaking. At first the words were tentative, as though she were afraid of Han or Snoke appearing to berate her for breaking promises. 

“Han grabbed my arm and we raced out the back way to the parking lot. Daniel’s car was pulling onto the road and Han was determined to continue the fight. The roads were damp; it was drizzling just enough to help the tires break loose. I kept pleading with Han to slow down, quit acting so irrational, but he wouldn’t listen. He was convinced Alise wanted him to chase them. He told me, ‘All I need is to just talk with her’. I was so scared.” 

“Not scared enough to call for help?” I quizzed, hoping my unseen rescuer was hearing this confession. 

She glared at me, “Not stupid enough to risk Han turning that entire wrath in my direction! You of all people know what happens when people didn’t do what Sir Organa-Solo demanded.” 

Leia muttered, “Don’t interrupt Rey, I want to hear this.” 

Jacobs continued. “Han tapped the bumper of Daniel’s truck, not very gently. On the wet pavement the truck tires could find no grip and the vehicle spun and spun, at last plunging off the road into the ditch.” 

“We tried to get to them, but it was no use. I could see that Alise was already dead; her neck appeared to be broken. Daniel wasn’t much better. The steering wheel had him trapped against the seat. His window was broken out and I could hear him calling for Han to help.” 

Blackness swam before my face. My father had been alive? Yet Han hadn’t done anything. Suddenly I wanted her to be quiet, give me time to process each piece of information, but the worst was still to come. 

“Albert Snoke followed up at a distance, waiting to see if Han needed assistance. He pulled up just as we went to investigate the wreckage. I saw Snoke stoop down and pick up a large shard of glass from the window. He walked back to the car and I heard Han tell Daniel, ‘At least now you won’t be in my wife’s head anymore.’ Then Snoke jammed the jagged edge into Dan’s neck, apparently severing the artery. I heard Dan scream once and then nothing but silence.” 

“What happened next?” Leia demanded 

“Han crumbled. I knew someone would have heard the accident and called the police. We couldn’t be found there. Somehow, Albert and I managed to get him back into the car in the passenger seat; then I drove the car to the cave while Snoke stayed at the crash site to misdirect the police investigation. By then Han had sobered up enough to realize what had happened. We buried the car for the boys to hide later behind the rock wall and each went our separate ways.” 

Jyn fell silent but the echo of her words rang in my ears. Snoke murdered my father in cold blood. I slid to the ground, unable to stand any longer.


	18. Rebuilding the Present

Leia lifted the shotgun until the muzzle was even with Jyn’s nose. A cold smile lit her lips, an echo of the anger within my own soul. “So Daniel didn’t die in the crash? Snoke stuck that shard of glass into his neck?” 

Jyn nodded, eyes fixed on the dark barrel. “I’m sorry Leia. But when Han was drunk, anything was possible and Snoke was always there to hide Han’s mess, especially for a fee. Witness what he did to Rey.” 

“I know,” was the only response Ben’s mother could come up with. 

Just then a commotion in the front courtyard caught the attention of all three of us. Through the barn doors came Sheriff Whittier along with three deputies, Jaina, and Ben. As the Sheriff took Jyn’s handgun from her, Ben put his arm gently around Leia. 

“Mom, it’s over. Put the shotgun down.” He whispered gently. Taking the gun in his hands, Ben handed it to the Sheriff. “Roger, I don’t think this has been fired.” 

“Not at all,” Leia bristled. “I wasn’t going to shoot Jyn; I just wanted the truth from her, for Rey.” 

“Well,” the sheriff drawled, “not only did Rey hear the truth, but so did Ben and I. Jyn Erso, you are under arrest for failure to yield aid, concealing a crime, and accessory to the murders of Daniel Sands and Alise Kenyon Sands. Anything you say might be held against you in a court of law.” They walked away, leading Jyn to the waiting squad car. 

Now that the threat of being shot was gone, my knees turned to water and I buried my head in my hands and sat crumpled on the ground. Ben attempted to help me, but wasn’t quick enough. Jaina and Leia hurried to my side as well. The irony of being surrounded by the family of the man who killed my parents was not lost. But soon they would be mine as well. 

“Ben?” I spoke through the tears pouring down my cheeks. 

“Yes love?” 

“How’s the colt?” 

Ben glanced around. “Still in his stall with Giselle.” 

“Ok, would you help me up?” 

Standing Ben and the Organa-Solo women helped me to the bench seat near the back door. Jaina handed me a flask, which I swigged on instinctively, then gagged when I realized it was brandy. “Thanks, Jaina,” my response filled with sarcasm. 

“I thought you might need this.” Her smile was warm and genuine. “It isn’t every day you hear about your parents’ death from the source.” 

“Leia, How did you know Jyn Erso was here?’ 

She spoke up. “I saw her snowmobile parked behind the gelding barn. When Ben left headed across the farm, I grabbed my shotgun and followed her inside to see what she was up to. I thought she was going for the horses, and then I saw Rey and realized what was going on.” 

The police cars left, chains digging into the deep snow. Wondering how I could stand much more, I leaned onto Ben’s arm weary to my very core. He glanced at my wan expression and immediately swept me into his arms. Over any objections I might have, he carried me to the manor house, in through the mud room and straight to his bedroom. 

I hadn’t been in here since I was a child. The walls were a deep blue, with paintings of ancestors and horses. But over the cheery fire hung one I had never seen before. My mouth fell open when I realized who the subject was. 

It was me along with Manny. The photograph from which it was painted hung in a separate frame nearby, but it was the actual portrait which drew me. Taken when we won our first Galaxy Cup, the year after Hanna was born, I have my arms thrown around the big lug, while he stands content to just be with me. As I looked deeper, I could see the painter had taken great pains to portray the emotion in my eyes. There was a mixture of sadness, wonder, surprise, and deep personal satisfaction. Then I looked in Manny’s eyes, or should I say eye, as only one showed. 

It was small, so small I would have missed it were I not examining the details so closely. Painted into the large brown soul-filled eye of my big grey was the image of a man. When I turned to question Ben, he shrugged. 

“I had the painter add me into the picture, watching from afar. Because that’s what I was doing all those years, watching to make sure you were happy, that you were safe. I was a coward for not coming after you but I’ll never leave you again.” 

Smiling, I threw my arms around his neck, swinging close to rub myself against him in a most suggestive manner. “I was miserable every minute I spent away from you, and made sure everyone knew it. But it wasn’t you I hated, it was Snoke, always the threats and the things he did. But the things he said that night make more sense knowing what I do now. Forgive me for punishing you in his place. I certainly didn’t mean to.” 

For an answer, he pushed the heavy wool coat from my shoulders, dropping it to the ground. My sweater proved no match for this urgency of his fingers, over my head and gone while my fingers fumbled with his belt. They slid down the perfect curve of his abdomen lightly, sparking the electricity his nearness brought out from me. Moaning in need, I threw my head back as his lips slid around my nipples then laughed deep in the back of his throat when the coolness of the air tickled them erect. Grabbing my arms, Ben tossed me carefully onto the bed, mindful of the brace. 

Once together on the large, deep blue sheets, I blushed over every inch of flesh when I caught the light in his face. Tight with need, soft with love and promise, possessive – these and more passed and merged as he studied me, prone before him at last. Married in our hearts if not by law, it was clear that small detail was only a formality we didn’t acknowledge or need. 

“Mrs. Organa-Solo,” was all he said, but those words conveyed so much. He reached out to remove the metal and leather appliance that hinders my movements. “I promise you won’t need this. I don’t intend to let you out of this bed for days.” 

Without its encumbrance, I was lighter, transported above myself as his hands and lips traced figures up my legs and across my hips. The smell of his precious musk wrapped me inside its cloak and I let go. Grabbing his waist, I pulled him closer not wanting to miss another moment of time that could be spent making love with him. 

Everything was new – the pressure of his body above me, the slow warm current of his breath against my skin, the responses Ben’s body pulled from within me; each evolved from promise to realization many years too late. But I forgot all those lonely years, content to bury the past at last. The mysteries were all solved each painful and damaging but now I could heal. With that came a freedom beyond imagination. 

The pressure built from deep inside my belly, spreading a rapid flush of flame out through my limbs and back, focusing all that energy into one mountainous explosion ripping through both of us, wrenching our souls into the universe to intermingle and expand until the exquisitely gradual settling into the new creation of us. Tears rolled down my cheeks and we both sucked lungs full of oxygen with ragged attempted at breathing. 

“I love you,” I managed to whisper in between breaths. 

“I know,” was all Ben could reply. 

Though it was only mid-morning, we slept with contentment running around in our veins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This story was the first romance I ever sold to a publisher (obviously redone for Bey), and I just regained my rights to reedit and republish now that I am older and a little more secure in my writing. 
> 
> I hope you liked it. It's not my usual style, but I've always loved the plot. There will be one more chapter that I'll post sometime over the weekend, then I'm moving back to my other wips.


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